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Knowing he had gone out of his way to make the tea especially for her kick-started her heart. When he moved with fluid grace to pour a cup out for her and she spotted his bare feet, she had to blink back the sting of hot tears that burned in the backs of her eyes.
She reached for a plain croissant and placed it on the plate he’d laid out for her, then took the seat next to him. She broke a bit of it off and popped it into her mouth, all the while watching as he added milk to her cup before placing it before her.
‘Thank you,’ she whispered, breaking off another piece of croissant and nibbling at it. She wanted to touch him. She wanted to place her hands on his cheeks and kiss him.
‘Do you know what I love the most about Grace?’ she asked him when he’d sat back down.
He cocked an eye.
‘Nothing. I love everything about her. When I moved to England at thirteen and started a new school, I was cold-shouldered by practically everyone. They all had their cliques. I was the outsider. But Grace took me under her wing. She would drag me into the art room at lunch breaks. She would drag me to parties at weekends and stay right by my side, making sure everyone included me. She introduced me to art. Even when it was obvious that I couldn’t draw much more than matchstick men, she never put me down. I ended up practically moving into her home. She encouraged me to study History of Art at university because she could see that’s where my passion lay. We studied different courses but we lived together and remained inseparable. I would give my life for Grace. She was more than a best friend. She was the one person who believed in me. My parents were so wrapped up in themselves they didn’t care about me other than on the level of feeding and clothing me.’
Cara kept her gaze on Pepe as she spoke. If he could lay his soul bare then so could she.
‘My father had so many affairs I lost count. Time after time, Mam would say she was leaving but every time she forgave him.’ She shuddered. ‘I would hear them having make-up sex. It was the most disgusting sound I’ve ever heard. Do you know what the worst part was?’
He shook his head, his face a mask.
‘He left her. After all the affairs, the lies and the humiliation, one day he went to work and never came back. He’d found a teenage lover who “made him feel like a young man again”. My mother was utterly devastated. I don’t think she would ever have left him. She held on for two years in the hope that he would come back to her, but when he served her with divorce papers she finally accepted it was over and carted me off to England to start over.’
She popped the last of the croissant into her mouth. Unable to resist any longer, she stroked a hand down his smooth cheek and rubbed her thumb over the thick bristles on his chin. His deep blue eyes, which hadn’t left her face, dilated, and his chest rose.
‘Not long after we arrived in England, my mam started a new relationship with a man who was just like my dad. An unfaithful charmer. Everyone loves him but he is incapable of keeping his pecker in his trousers. And just like with my dad, she forgives him every time. I’ve spent my entire life feeling second best to my parents’ libidos and hormones, and I’m terrified of turning out like them. Our child will never feel second best. Ever. I won’t let it happen. Our child is innocent and deserves all the love I—and hopefully you—can heap on him or her.’ She bit her lip. ‘But, Pepe, I’m so scared.’
‘Scared of what?’
‘You,’ she answered starkly. ‘Until I met you, sex to me was tawdry and meant nothing but power and humiliation. I wanted none of it. But now I can understand why my mam let my dad treat her like a piece of rubbish and why she lets my stepdad treat her the same way, because I can feel it happening inside me when I’m with you. I woke up this morning and I knew I should leave but I was almost helpless to resist you. I’m scared that if I stay much longer I’ll never want to go.’
CHAPTER TWELVE
PEPE COVERED CARA’S HAND, his eyes boring into her. ‘Do you think you’re falling in love with me?’
‘No!’ Her denial was immediate. Snatching her hand away, she wrung her fingers together on her lap and looked away.
‘Good.’
She flinched.
He placed a finger under her chin and forced her to look up at him. ‘I say “good” because there is a way to get through this without screwing either of us up. And without screwing up our child. I have never cheated on anyone in my life. After what Luisa did to me, it is not something I would ever put anyone else through. I like my affairs short and sweet. I admit, there are occasions when I will sleep with an ex, but never if either of us are involved with someone else.’
