“You haven’t. I made an assumption a long time ago, and my brain has become bad at letting things go.”
He did something that made the helicopter bank. It tossed my stomach, but not enough to distract me from the fact that he’d been looking at me this whole fucking time thinking—believing—that I was someone else.
I wasn’t known for my diplomacy. For him, I tried. “Why did your assumption swing that way?”
Viktor took his time answering, and the silence left room for a thousand other questions to sweep through my mind, not all of them about sex. Cos I wanted more from him. To know more. To understand. The people I respected in my life—Jean, Folk, even fuckingAlexei, had always taught me that filling in the gaps was important... until it wasn’t. And it was the most fucked-up thing in the world that I had no clue where me and Vik had landed on that spectrum.
“It fit,” Vik said eventually. “Forme, not you. I do not get the things I want the most, and this felt no different.”
“How does it feel now?”
Whatever sound Vik made was drowned out by the chopper, reminding me that we were having this conversation in the worst possible place. But then... up here in the clouds, we couldn’t escape it, and maybe it was for the best.
My tact stores ran dry. I gave him the truth. All of it. “I’ve never had a dude bang me, but I loved getting pegged by Finch, so whateverassumptionsyou’ve made about what I want, open that fuck-off door and boot them into the sea.”
[ 19 ]
VIKTOR
He fell asleep.
Finally.
At least, he looked asleep. I loitered in the doorway, fixated on the sofa Ranger had poured himself onto the moment we got back from the heliport, stretched out with one arm flung over his eyes, hiding his face. Silent, and so still I could not look away.
I missed his face.
His voice. It was terrifying how dependant I had become on him. How much I needed everything about him. How careless his company made me and how fragile I was without it.
I scratched my arms, backing away, my footsteps quiet on the tiled floor, testing the super-hearing Ranger possessed.
He did not move and I felt more anxious about that than I could bear.
I took Lida outside to exercise her, keeping her busy enough in the evening shade that she did not go inside and lick Ranger’s face.
Because you want to lick his face.
I did. But I also wanted to creep down the mountain and?—
No. I had made him a promise—two promises—and I could not live as a liar.
Not to him.
The phone Jake had texted overnight was in my pocket. It buzzed as Lida ran for the toy I’d tossed her, darting through the orange trees.
Jake:It will not be long now
Viktor:You are close?
Jake:Indeed. Maybe you should retreat to our leather friends
Viktor:That sounds like a club in Berlin. And you know Ivan will not leave the donkeys
Jake:If you are making sex jokes, I am less worried about you than I was five minutes ago
Viktor:You do not need to worry about me
Jake:You are okay?
