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Hammer’s voice was sharp as the crack of a gun. “Don’t lie to me. Not to me, goddammit! I know you’ve been through hell. And I know you want out, but—”
“You have no fucking idea how messed up my head is,” he shouted, jabbing a finger at his friend’s chest. “Not a day goes by that I don’t feel Carter Darrow’s fangs in my neck! That I don’t remember what it was like, begging that bastard to drain me dry! He raped my soul, and I don’t know how to live with that.”
“You had no choice,” the other man emphasized. “It wasn’t your fault. Vampires seduce their prey. That’s how they operate.”
His anger began to deflate, leaving him hollow. “I know that. But it doesn’t make living with the nightmare any easier.”
“And then there’s Calla.”
Nick’s jaw tightened, his gut clenching. “What about her?”
“Man, I saw how you reacted to her at the party the other day,” he said, studying Nick carefully. “You exchanged a few words, looked at her like she’d grown a second head, and lit out of there like your ass was on fire. She your mate?”
“Where’d you come up with that?” He swallowed hard.
“I’m asking. It’s not that tough a question.”
“Yeah, well, it’s a tough answer.” Nick sighed, looking away. His heart hurt like it was being scored with razor blades—proving he wasn’t dead inside. Unfortunately. “Tell me what I’m supposed to do about having a Bondmate, one I can’t stand the thought of touching me the way Darrow did. Seducing me, and feeding from me.”
“Shit.” Hammer paused. “You can get past it. I believe that.”
“I wish I had your faith.”
“One thing is for sure—I’m not going to stand by and watch you kill yourself. Not that I really believe you’ll go through with it.”
He gave a bitter laugh. “What makes you so certain?”
“You care too much,” Hammer said simply. “About your daughter, about Noah and Phoenix, your whole team. Even the mate you don’t want. You care, and you won’t leave no matter how much you want to.”
Misery clogged his throat. His friend was right, and he hated it. Turning, he looked out, into the forest he loved so much, and at the mountains beyond. The one place that had always given him comfort. Until recently. Now even his wolf didn’t care whether they ran. He was curled up inside Nick, hurting deep in the core of his being.
He took a breath. “I’ve lived over two hundred years, and as a born wolf I’ll live a lot longer. I’ve seen so many changes in the world. I’ve lost more than I ever thought I could and still be sane, much less alive.”
“So why is what you’ve been through with Darrow any different?” Hammer pressed. “You lost your whole family and it didn’t destroy you. You’ve survived a hell of a lot.”
“Yeah. We all have. But I’m the commander of this unit. All the suffering the Pack has endured is my responsibility, and I don’t know how much more I can stand. It’s an accumulation of everything, to be honest. I got Selene back, and I’m beyond grateful we’re mending things between us; don’t get me wrong. But after Darrow . . .”
His friend remained silent, and Nick put it as simply as he could.
“I’m just tired, John,” he said quietly.
It was several moments before the other man spoke. “I get that. Hell, I’ve been there, too. But you can’t quit.”
Turning, he faced Hammer again, taking in the worry on his face. “I’m so damned tired, all I want is for the world to wake up tomorrow without me in it.”
Hammer shook his head. “Tough shit. Not going to happen. So, now’s a good time to think of Plan B.”
Nick laughed softly in spite of himself. “Maybe.”
“Definitely.” He held out a hand. “Give me the gun tucked in the back of your jeans.”
“What if I run into a grizzly?”
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“He’ll run if he knows what’s good for him. In fact, I’m positive you’ll be the most dangerous predator out there. Gun. Now.”
The man wasn’t going to budge. Anger surged as he tugged the weapon from his waistband and placed it in his friend’s hand, butt first. He tamped it down, though. Hammer—John—had always looked out for him. He wasn’t going to stop, especially now that Nick was in a crisis.
