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“Don’t.” Dahlia looked up at me, taking my face in her gentle hands, and speared me with a firm gaze. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for something you had no control over.”
Twenty-Eight
Damien
Taking her hand, I kissed her palm. Her other hand fell to my chest where she flattened it against my skin.
“Easier said than done. There were many things I could have done differently, but she hid it all so well. The biggest thing I felt guilty for was taking the blame for the pot and not being honest. Maybe that alone would have changed things.”
“Or maybe it wouldn’t.” Her soothing tone was like a balm to the ache in my chest—when she spoke, it didn’t sting quite as much.
Because she got it. She understood.
“If your parents really didn’t believe she was responsible for it, then they never would have. Isn’t that obvious from the way they reacted to her death? All you tried to do was protect her. That doesn’t make you responsible for the choices she made—or the way your parents treated you all.” She held my hand to her face, brushing her soft lips over my knuckles. “They drove the divide, Damien. Not you. They pressured her to be perfect while treating you and Perrie as though you weren’t worth it. And even then, you tried to protect them by burning her diary so they wouldn’t know they were at fault.”
I rolled my shoulders and sighed. “It doesn’t matter. Things happen, and my dad will never apologize for it. My mom couldn’t even if she wanted to.”
Realization flashed through her gaze.
“Three weeks after Penny’s death was ruled a suicide, she hung herself.” Back was the hollow tone. It was fact. It was simply the way it was. I couldn’t bring her back. “Our housekeeper at the time found her. She’d done it in the middle of the day when we were all at work. She left behind a note saying she didn’t want to live in a world without Penny. I guess it triggered her depression and she didn’t feel like she could carry on any longer.”
“I’m so sorry.” Dahlia wrapped her arms around my neck, holding me tight against her.
I snaked an arm around her body, pressing my face into her hair. At this point, it felt like she was more affected by this than I was. Like she hurt for me. I didn’t want her to feel that.
“What about Perrie?” she asked. “Is she…?”
“Alive?” I leaned back, blowing out a long breath. “The last I heard she was alive. She got pregnant not long after Mom died. I don’t think she could cope. Her biological father was an abusive piece of shit who had disowned her, her adoptive father didn’t care about her, and her mom was dead. She pretty much went off the rails the same way Penelope did, but without the drugs. She drank and had sex with a bunch of guys, but there was one guy she was seeing pretty regularly. He got her pregnant, but a couple weeks after she found out, he died in a car crash. He was drunk driving because he was an idiot.”
Her lips parted in shock.
All I could do was shrug. “Dad was of the mind that the best thing Perrie could do was have an abortion. She was only just nineteen, grieving the loss of her sister and mother, and in no state to be raising a child. Especially not alone.”
Dahlia was almost hesitant when she said, “And you?”
I looked away from her. It was the one time I’d ever let her down, but it’d been the biggest one. And for that, I took full responsibility. I owned that guilt.
“Damien?”
“I agreed with him,” I said quietly. “I didn’t think it was the right choice for her. I felt like she would be better off not going through with the pregnancy, mostly because of her emotional state. She disappeared a week later.”
“Oh,” she said in a small voice. “Where is she now?”
“She’s still here. In Vegas. I’ve seen her once since. A few weeks after she had the baby.” I swallowed, the emotion making my throat raw. “I spent five minutes with them, and then she told me she never wanted to see me again. That I didn’t care about her and the baby when she was pregnant, so I had no right to care now.”
“That’s really the last time you saw them?”
Slowly, I nodded. “I keep tabs on her. I tried sending her money, but she wouldn’t take it. She sent it right back. She’s broken all ties with us, and there’s nothing more I can do. I save money each month for her daughter in a bank account. Dad doesn’t care, but I do. It’s the only thing I can do to make up for what I said a few years ago. Hope that she doesn’t feel like the only way she can survive is by doing what Perrie does.”
