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Hours later I had my dress picked out and hanging in my closet in a garment bag, and something about knowing it was there added an ache in my chest to the fear that had already been gripping me.
I hadn’t been able to say goodbye to the shopper. Not in the way I wanted to. I hadn’t been able to thank her for helping me see that everything I would ever want had been standing right in front of me.
Instead, I’d bit down on my lip and held back more tears as she’d left, stating, “You will still, above all, be the one I look forward to seeing most.”
I was lying on the bed, trying to force back the nausea and dizziness that never seemed to go away lately when the bed dipped from his weight and immediately cursed myself for not hearing him before he’d reached the room.
“Blackbird,” he said softly, worry dripping from the word.
I didn’t have to force the relief that poured from me when I said, “You’re home.”
But his dark eyes were searching my face, looking for everything I was trying to hide. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head quickly. “I’ve just been worried,” I whispered, at least giving him that truth.
Every day he left had been agony, knowing he was willingly surrounding himself with other men from his world—men who could potentially be on William’s side. Every day had left me unable to fully breathe until he came home.
But he had to keep up pretenses.
In the last two months, I’d only been alone while the driver took Lucas to and from work or anything else business related. The driver returned to the house to protect me, making himself invisible while I stayed inside and trained or read, so I wouldn’t feel suffocated—as I had before.
Today had been the last day Lucas would go into work. Today had been the last day he would have to leave me for any reason. And even though I was so thankful for that—so thankful I wouldn’t have to worry for hours upon hours—I dreaded the next two and a half days.
It had felt nearly impossible to keep what was happening inside me from this man the last two weeks, but he’d been distracted enough with work and all the planning with David that it had been doable. But I could feel the anxiety and restlessness that these remaining days created. I could feel his need to spend every second with me as if it might be our last, because it was just doubling my own anxiety and reinforcing my decision to keep this from him.
He would do anything . . . anything to keep me safe.
But he wouldn’t be able to think clearly if he knew, and he would get himself killed.
His fingers trailed lightly over my cheek, then he cupped my face in his large hand. “Briar, I’ve been thinking . . .”
My heart fell into my stomach at his tone and the defeated look in his eyes.
“I don’t want you to go to the cele—”
“No,” I said quickly. “Lucas, no.”
“Briar, listen—”
“No, don’t tell me to listen,” I said through gritted teeth, and pushed him away so I could sit up on the bed. “I know what you’re doing, and you can’t do this to me. Not after all we’ve been through to make it here.” Tears were already falling down my face, but I didn’t bother to try to stop them. He was breaking my heart.
“Blackbird,” he said in a soft, soothing tone as he reached for me again.
I stopped him from touching me and kept my shaking hand in the air. “I’ve heard every conversation you’ve had with David over the last two months. I know what this would mean.”
Lucas’s face fell, but he didn’t attempt to placate me.
“You told him that once one of you buys a woman, you’re not just allowed to go to this annual gathering, but you have to. Your entire house has to—which means me. I know why David wouldn’t let you get me out of here. It was because of this night. If I’m not there, I know it will make a statement you can’t afford to make.”
“I can take care of myself,” he said in a calm tone that grated on me.
“I can’t let you die.”
My words snapped something inside him, and he reached for me quickly, cradling my face in his hands. “I can’t save you from something I can’t see coming,” his deep voice boomed. He looked like he was being tortured, but he was holding me as if I was precious. When he spoke again, his words were rough, his breaths uneven. “Don’t you understand, Briar? If you’re there, he will try to kill you. He knows I’ll be watching you, and watching every move he makes. So he’ll do it silently, without ever coming near you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do,” he said, his words twisted with grief. “And I’d rather die than live without you.” He sat back, releasing me so he could reach into his pocket. He pulled out an envelope and slowly handed it to me.
