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I bit back my initial response and instead echoed, “I’m not going to hurt you. But we need to get you out of this room.” I shifted forward, and watched every movement of her body as I rested my arms on my knees and clasped my hands together.
Her chest hitched and her body jerked, but she didn’t move away from me.
“Now, tell me why you’re still shaking.”
“Because I can’t do this,” she said immediately, her voice weak. “I can’t do what you want me to.” I opened my mouth to speak, but she asked, “Is this a lesson?”
Her question slammed into me and made me lose my hold on that calm as everything I shouldn’t feel assaulted me again and again . . . The way those broken eyes made me want to beg her to forgive me. The way her screams made me want to tear out my heart.
Within seconds my calm was back and filling me, and I let my lips slowly curve into a wicked grin. “You’ll know when I’m teaching you a lesson.” Once her hatred from my statement had dulled, I nodded toward the plate again. “Eat.”
Only seconds had passed before she picked at the fruit she’d been eating, and after she’d taken a few bites, I slowly reached forward.
She stilled as my hand neared the robe just above her breasts, and her chest’s movements became exaggerated when I slipped my hand inside to slowly drag the material off one of her shoulders.
When I looked up, fear-filled eyes were watching my every move before darting up to my face when I withdrew my hand. As soon as my hands were clasped again, I mumbled, “Eat.”
A full minute came and went before she shakily resumed, and as before, I slowly reached forward after she’d finished taking a few bites.
Her breath rushed out when I grasped the other side of her robe. “Please, d-d—” she said breathlessly but didn’t continue.
My eyes darted up to hers once her other shoulder was bared, and I forced myself to ignore the way they pled with me and the way they glistened with unshed tears. “You need to be comfortable around me, Blackbird. Eat.”
After another minute, she grabbed for the piece of toast. But even then, she just held on to it as she continued to violently tremble.
I stood from the chair and walked to the edge of the bed. Pressing my knuckles to her chin, I waited until she was looking at me, then slowly dropped my hands to where she was grasping the satin material against her breasts.
“You want to leave this room, and I can’t let you leave it until we’ve passed this point,” I said in a low, soothing tone as I removed the tight grip she had on the robe and bent to whisper in her ear, “Close your eyes and clear your mind. You can do this.”
But I wasn’t sure that I could.
Because my calm was crumbling, and I couldn’t hold on to that nothing that I so desperately needed to cling to in order to get through this.
This girl and those eyes were crippling me in a way I’d never known—and couldn’t afford now.
I knew what I needed to do, and yet . . . I wanted to protect her from this, even though I was the one pushing her. I wanted to pull her closer so I could feel her body pressed to mine. I wanted to brush my lips across hers—
Nothing. Feel nothing, I maintained as I fought between covering her up, and continuing with what I knew we had to do.
I forced that calm and that nothingness, and the tips of my thumbs brushed against her breasts as I bunched the material in my hands. Just as I was about to release the robe and let the material pool around her hips, a song fell from her lips, hushed and broken, and the sound made me pause.
I looked at her face to see it tight with fear, and again, I lost my weak hold on my calm. Only that time, I didn’t try to snap it back in place. I let everything I felt consume me as I pulled her robe back over her shoulders and stepped away.
“Another day, Blackbird,” I mumbled and let her voice follow me out of the room.
Chapter 11
Push
Briar
Days dragged on, yet blurred together. I wasn’t sure how long I had been here and wished I had a way of knowing. I had started counting the breakfasts, but eventually I couldn’t remember which day had been the day before. I’d spent days crying before my body stopped producing tears and a numbness settled over my heart and mind. As the numbness receded a few days later, the boredom settled in.
I spent whole days singing, others staring at the wall just wishing for a window so I could see the outdoors, and still others waiting in fear, wondering what the day wou
ld hold.
There hadn’t been another lesson, but there had been two more failed attempts of trying to push me into being comfortable with a man I hated with every fiber of my being.
