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My chest moved roughly with each ragged breath. Time passed achingly slow as I waited, gun still aimed on my best friend, my eyes now on the girl just in front of him.
She stood still, her wounded eyes fixated on me as she swayed slightly, as if in a daze.
A jolt went through her body when Johnny collapsed to the floor behind her, and I slowly lowered my gun, but was unable to move.
I needed to check on Johnny, but I knew there was no reason. I knew where I’d shot him, and I could see the dark blood rapidly spreading out from beneath his head.
I needed to go to the girl in front of me, but didn’t know how to. She’d buried herself so deep in my heart, but her presence there suddenly felt toxic. She was everything I loved and everything I hated. I wanted to worship her and watch the life drain from those cold blue eyes.
I had absolutely no fucking clue who she was.
I watched numbly as Kieran knelt in front of Johnny to unnecessarily check his pulse, moving quickly to grab the knife he’d thrown into Johnny’s wrist before taking Johnny’s gun and sliding it toward me. The same one Johnny had aimed at Ell—Lily when she’d started running from him.
Johnny had always been destructive, but I’d spent our lives controlling his anger.
And I’d just killed him for it . . . over the girl I’d brought him here to kill.
Rage burned deep in my chest when Kieran grabbed El—when he grabbed her, turning her so she was no longer facing me and lifting her head to examine her neck. A string of mumbled curses left him, his voice sounding off from the ringing in my ears, before he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back toward the wall.
As soon as he hit it, he slid down to sit on the floor with her in his lap.
My finger twitched along the barrel of the gun and my jaw ached from how hard I was clenching it.
I wanted to rip her away from him.
I wanted to punch him again for everything he’d forced me to do over the years.
I wanted to destroy him for ever touching something so perfect.
And I wanted to hate her.
But fuck if it didn’t hurt seeing them like that.
She looked back at me, her hands pressed against Kieran’s chest as she tried to stand.
“So this is you?” I asked, breathless. “This is it? It wasn’t just him you were trying to keep from me, it was this. And you knew the whole time.”
“No,” she said when she finally stood—with Kieran’s help because he still refused to let her go. “No, not the whole time.”
“How long then?” I yelled, my voice reverberating down the hall. “A year? Year and a half?”
“No,” she cried out. “I—” She turned to look at Kieran pleadingly, but he stood like a statue with his hardened glare set on me.
“She’s trying to get away from you,” I growled. “Clearly you never noticed the last couple years since she’s been fucking terrified of you, but this is what it looks like.”
“Stop!”
But I didn’t know who she was talking to because Kieran had set her aside and taken a step toward me. My finger twitched closer toward the trigger, but before he could take another step, Elle situated herself between us and shoved Kieran back.
“Stop.”
For long moments she stared up at him, her hand pressed firmly to his chest like she could keep him from moving . . . and somehow she did.
Turning, she looked at me with the most pained expression. “I was terrified of what Kieran would do to you if he ever found out. I was terrified of what the two of you would do to each other when I realized who you were. I hated my life here . . . but I’ve never been afraid of him. I’ve already hurt him enough, don’t make this worse.”
“Hurt him?” I asked on an incredulous laugh. “You’ve been fucking lying to me, Elle,” I growled and dragged a hand through my hair. “Lil—I can’t even say your goddamn name.”
“I’ve never lied to you, you would know if I had. I told you as much of the truth as I could.”
