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She didn’t even notice us standing in the door as she snatched her tablet up and hurried back to the desk.
But I saw her.
She looked haggard.
She looked sick.
And it was my fault.
Maverick tried to push through, but I held up a hand to stop him then slowly entered the room.
I rapped my knuckles along her desk as I moved closer so she would feel the vibration and know I was there, and saw her jerk just before I tentatively reached out to touch her shoulder.
She threw the headphones onto the desk again and whipped her head up to look at me, her eyes crazed. “Dare, look at this,” she said breathlessly, her glazed stare moving back to the screens.
“Einstein—”
“See what he’s doing? He’s got a tail following Kier—”
“Einstein.”
“—and he’s gonna pin him for taking that girl—”
I grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at me. “Einstein!”
Her chest moved up and down rapidly as she stared at me, her cheeks sunken in and eyes hollow.
“You’ve gotta stop,” I said softly, gently. “You need to eat something and sleep.”
She tried to gesture to the computers. “But can’t you see what’s—”
“I don’t care. I care that you’re going to kill yourself if you don’t stop.”
Her eyes darted around us, her head shaking so fast I wasn’t sure she knew she was doing it. She stood so quickly that I lost my hold on her. “There’s something else,” she whispered, then bent, snatching wildly at crumpled papers on the floor before throwing herself back in her chair. “Look at this. Mickey’s changing his pattern—”
I grabbed her out of the chair, wrapping my arms around her as tight as I could manage. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, my words twisted with grief. “I’m so fucking sorry, Einstein. I’m sorry.”
I repeated my apology until she buried her face in my neck, her body heaving with her sobs.
“I tried—I tried to figure him out. I tried to fix him, and I couldn’t fix him,” she cried. “I tried . . . I did. There was something missing and I couldn’t find it, but I tried. I tried so hard.”
Tears stung my eyes and my chest burned with pain. “I tried too. But you can’t fix someone like that. You can’t change them.”
“I could’ve,” she insisted.
I glanced over my shoulder when I felt someone come up behind me and saw Maverick anxiously shifting his weight and looking at Einstein helplessly. After a pleading glance at me, I turned and transferred her to his arms.
His eyes shut like he was in pain as he cradled her close, stepping back to lower them onto the bed with his back against the headboard.
As Einstein sobbed against his chest, I had a feeling Maverick’s pain was stemming from hers rather than Johnny’s death.
And I didn’t know what to make of it.
I started to look for Libby, but my eyes caught on one of Einstein’s screens as Diggs stood there, quietly shutting everything down.
“Wait,” I said softly, studying what she’d been trying to show me before I gave him a nod.
I stepped back, my heart seizing when I glanced down and saw a picture of Lily peeking out under a few papers.
