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“You wanna see mine?” Diggs asked as he stood, his hands already going to his belt as the tension quickly eased from the table.
“No,” everyone said quickly, shutting him down.
“Dare showed his,” he protested. “It’s only fair.”
Leaning in to Elle’s ear, I whispered, “Don’t ever agree to see theirs. Trust me.”
“Gross,” she mumbled.
“Does it scare you?” Maverick asked. “Knowing about us?”
“I don’t know. You guys have never seemed scary to me.” But even as she spoke, her eyes flashed to Johnny.
“You want us to change that?” Maverick continued, his tone a mixture of a challenge and a tease.
I shoved my foot into his leg before he could taunt Elle anymore, then pressed my lips to her ear again. “That’s what you’re keeping from me. That’s why you panicked and left. You saw my back.”
She turned to look at me, her nose pressed to mine. “I left because I should’ve been home long before the doors unlocked. I panicked because I fell asleep.” Her worried eyes searched mine for a few seconds before she finally admitted, “My panic increased when I saw your tattoo before I decided it didn’t matter.”
“Libby.” Her name was a rumble from deep within my chest, it was also a command.
Without asking or saying a word, she slid out of the booth, and I gently nudged Elle to follow.
“Let’s go.” As soon as we were out, I grabbed my sister’s arm and pulled her close. “Keep Johnny away from me.”
Elle started heading toward the front, but I gripped her hand in mine and hurried her to the back door to the secluded parking lot reserved for family. As soon as I had her outside, I led her to my car then released her.
Raking my hands over my head, I pulled at my hair as I walked away from her, releasing a pent-up breath when I turned to face her again.
She was leaning against the hood of my car, looking more contradicting than I’d ever seen anyone. Her shoulders were hunched and acceptance swam in her eyes, making her seem so vulnerable. But there was a fierceness in the set of her eyebrows and her jaw was locked tight like she was prepared for a fight.
“You decided it didn’t matter.”
She crossed her arms under her chest, dipping her head in a nod as she did.
“If you know what that symbol means, then you know who I am. You know what I am. How can you decide that doesn’t matter?”
“Because I can’t imagine walking away from this, and you aren’t the only one with secrets. You know I have secrets, you told me to lie to you.”
“That isn’t the same as deciding what I am doesn’t matter.”
“Why isn’t—?”
“I’m why,” I yelled, my voice echoing between buildings. I rubbed a hand against my aching chest and looked at her uncertainly. “The girl who died, the one I told you about, I’m why she died. Who I am. What I am. That is why she was killed. Do you see why it should matter? Do you see why I pushed you away? Why I want to keep you safely by my side—hide you—so no one can hurt you?”
Instead of fear or remorse, or any normal reaction I’d expect from her, she just stared at me with pained eyes. “Knowing who you are can’t keep me from you. I’ll even face your hurt and try to help heal it,” she vowed as she pushed away from the car and took a step forward, leaving a couple feet between us. “But you won’t ever find me again if you try to hide me. And I can’t compete against a ghost. I can’t be someone you use in place of her to try to correct the past.”
I stepped closer to pull her into my arms and lowered my chin so I could look into her eyes. “You’re not competing. I’m not trying to correct anything because I know I can’t. I’m just terrified of watching the same thing happen.”
“I have fears too,” she said simply, not bothering to expand or explain.
“Tell me one of your fears, Elle . . . I dare you.”
“I’m afraid of what happens when the lying stops.” Her eyes slipped closed as soon as the confession passed her lips, as though she was afraid to see my reaction to her truth.
“That’s when I keep you.”
A tremor rolled through her body and a shuddering breath forced from her lungs. If I hadn’t been watching her so closely, I might’ve missed the flash of pain when she opened her eyes again.
