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Without a word, she opened it and slipped out and away.
And I didn’t try to stop her.
I couldn’t.
As much as I couldn’t get that tortured plea out of my head, my heart wouldn’t let her try to destroy it more than she had in such a short time.
After staring at the open window for a couple minutes, I turned away and went to my dresser.
I was reaching for a pair of sleep pants when my phone lit up with a text from Beck asking where I was.
I went to my messages to respond, but before I could, I noticed I had three others. All from Conor. All blank.
Skipping the texts, I went to call him and noticed I’d missed calls from both brothers. One from Conor and four from Beck.
My breaths came slower and my muscles tensed as I tapped on one of their names and prepared for the reasons for their persistence.
When Conor didn’t answer, I called Beck.
“Jesus fuck, dude. Where have you been?”
“Showering,” I bit out. “What’s happening?”
“Good fucking question.” Beck sounded more worried than I’d ever heard him, and it made that part of me I hated roar to life.
I shook my head and folded my free arm across my chest to keep from picking up the knife I’d just set down. To feel its comfort again.
“I’m dealing and Conor keeps calling,” he continued. “Every time I answer, he hangs up. He’s supposed to be on the estate. Go fucking find him.”
“Done.”
“Kieran, if my brother’s dead . . .”
“He’s not.” He couldn’t be.
“I swear to God, man.”
“I’ll find him,” I promised before ending the call.
I hurried into some clothes and my boots, and armed myself with a handful of blades closest to me before I rushed down the halls of the Holloway mansion without making a sound.
When I didn’t find him in his room in the mansion, I slipped out to head to Soldier’s Row on the other side of the property where most members lived.
But I didn’t make it there.
I didn’t make it far at all.
Because where Lily and I had lived for four years with Beck was lit up like a beacon. The guesthouse. And it’d been a ghost town since she left, as if everyone on this estate wanted to forget the girl who’d lived there. Abandoned us.
I started in that direction, but stopped halfway when I saw him on the porch.
Conor. As he had for four years. Standing guard.
Déjà vu flooded me. For a moment, I wondered if I would walk through the front door to find Lily asleep in our bed.
When I continued, my steps were unsure for the first time in my life. It felt like I was walking into the biggest trap and I couldn’t make myself stop.
Because I needed my life to be what it had been.
