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He looked so much like Daddy like that.
I hated it.
My stomach felt heavy when Daddy’s steps sounded outside the closet we were hiding in.
Jentry turned so he was in front of me and grabbed my shoulders, being careful not to touch where I was already bruised. “See nothing.”
Breathe in. Breathe out.
“Hear nothing.”
Slow your heart. Dry your eyes.
“Be nothing.”
Blend in to the walls, and he won’t find you again.
“I’m gonna make it go away, Jess.”
I opened my mouth to beg him not to leave just as the door was yanked open and Jentry was ripped away from me and slammed to the floor.
The last thing I remember was black, angry eyes.
And wishing Jentry could make it all go away.
I helped my mom wash her hands and under her nails multiple times and forced her to change her clothes, and she finally crawled into bed. I collected the needle on her bedroom floor and another in the living room then dumped them in one of the neighbor’s trash cans. After going back in and making sure she had actually fallen asleep, I grabbed the bags she’d come back with, shoved them into my pocket, and headed out.
“Take them back,” I said through gritted teeth when I neared him.
Beck glanced over his shoulder. Fear flashed through his eyes when he hissed, “You think you can demand stuff like that?”
“Yes. Now take them back.” I shoved my open palm into his shoulder. “How could you? After what you’d given her earlier, you gave her more than that a few hours later? Beck. I can’t afford this shit, you know that. Now take it back.”
“I can’t,” he said low, but stern. “Go home. Now.”
“Don’t tell me what to do or where to go.”
That fear now burned in his eyes. “Jess, leave.”
My body stilled as I tried to take in our surroundings, but there was nothing.
Just me. Just Beck.
I shook my head in quick jerks. “Take the bags back.”
“I fucking can’t. For all I know, you’re bringing back bags filled with powdered sugar.”
My brow pinched. “Beck, she was out at night. She screams if she sees the sun set, but you didn’t think twice about her being outside when it’s dark? She was so high she believed some idiots when they told her it was still daylight. She took the drugs for those men, and you know they weren’t offering to pay—because who would when she has her deal with you?” I tried shoving the bags at him, but he swatted my hand away. “I can’t afford this, and I can’t have it in the house. If she wakes up and sees it, she’ll use and use and use until it’s gone. Beck, please.” My voice cracked on the last word, but I couldn’t find it in me to care.
I’d already failed in front of Beck too many times tonight anyway. Why keep pretending the seemingly fearless girl had no fears when he’d known differently for years?
“Jess, for the love of God . . . leave.”
“Is this payback? Has all of this been to get back at me for not giving you what you wanted all those years ago?” I slammed my open palm into his chest again and again until he snatched my wrist and pulled me close. “That was six years ago, Beck. This is my mom’s life you’re ruining. It’s my life.”
His free hand snaked underneath my hair and secured to the back of my neck, forcing my head closer to his. “If you ever listen to me, listen now, Jessica. Turn around and go home.”
My gaze locked with his, my lungs protesting the lack of oxygen as I once again tried to hear or feel anything or anyone else.
