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“Which means I’ll be keeping up appearances and dealing,” Beck assumed.
“Right.” There was a gentle tug on my waist. “Jessica?”
After what I had endured in the last twenty-four hours alone, no one could doubt that I would do anything if it meant getting my mom back.
Then again, they didn’t know everything I’d gone through.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to get her back.” My voice was confident even though my stomach was clenching as the memories from last night and this morning slammed into me. My body felt heavy and I felt so depleted.
Physically. Emotionally. Mentally.
Kieran’s lips met my ear. “Are you hungry?” When I shook my head, his voice dropped into a low, soothing tone that had me sagging against him. “Then go get in bed.”
I didn’t move.
He was my strength and comfort. Even if he was struggling to know if this was as real for me as it was for him, I needed him to hold me together when I felt so close to falling apart.
Weak.
Go fuck yourself.
“I need to talk to Beck alone, and then I’ll be there.”
“Promise?”
A sound like agony and need grated in his throat, and then my name left his lips like a prayer. “Chaos . . .”
It wasn’t until I moved away that I realized I’d been in his arms.
I couldn’t remember if he’d been breathing, but there hadn’t been any shaking. He’d simply pulled me close and held me like it was the most natural thing in the world.
I wanted it again.
I wanted it every day for the rest of forever.
Beck and I watched her leave and heaviness settled in the room as he turned to face me.
“Guess that’s my cue to leave?” he asked drily. When I didn’t respond, he shook his head. “I’ve never seen her like that.”
“Like what?”
He held a hand out toward the chair Jessica had been in and gestured to me. “Fucking calm.” A harsh breath rushed from him, and he dropped his hand. “I mean, I don’t know, man. I saw her like that for a couple seconds in your room . . . but even then, she started with the crazy bullshit during.”
I didn’t respond or react in any way. I didn’t need to hurt Beck more by telling him that the majority of my time with Jessica had been with the girl beneath her chaos.
“But she’s been all kinds of different lately,” he said, mostly to himself. “I’ve known her since she was fourteen, and I’ve never seen her cry before. Every time I’ve seen her this week, she’s cried. And that was even before Mickey took her mom.”
“Mickey came to her a few days before he took her mom,” I said. “It’s the first time she’s let anyone help her. That had to be relieving and terrifying. And humiliating, since it was a man she despises.”
“Yeah, guess you’re right.” He absentmindedly ran a hand over his beard then said, “To be honest, as much as it kills me to see her cry, it’s a relief. Any normal girl would cry at half the shit she’s seen daily, yet she fucking laughed. I wanted her to show she had some human emotions. Funny that the robot would bring them out.”
The corner of my mouth pulled into a smile when a breath of a laugh left him.
“I hate . . .” I pushed out a weighted breath and ran my hands over my face. “I hate that this is tearing at you.”
“I know. Just like I know it won’t change anything.”
My jaw clenched, because I couldn’t deny that. “Beck—”
