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The emotion in her voice was undeniable, and it took strength I didn’t know I had to stay where I was and not give her what she needed.
“You’re every comfort I never thought I’d have. You make me feel alive and free.” A strangled sob sounded in her chest, and her shoulders lifted in a weak shrug. “Yes, you were supposed to be a job. One I didn’t want or attempt to fulfill because I fell in love with you. And you should’ve already known that since I told Mickey there was nothing on you when I knew everything. What happened with you and Lily . . . that’s not us. We’re real. I know you feel the difference.”
I felt every one of the hundreds of differences between Lily and Jessica. But the one similarity was what stopped me.
She uncrossed her legs and stood from the bed then came to stand a foot in front of me. A shaky breath left her, and in the clearest voice she pleaded, “Tell me what it was like earlier. Tell me what it felt like when he took over and I was in your arms.”
Not a laugh.
Not a wicked smile or gleam in her eyes.
Just her beneath her chaos.
“It was fucking terrifying when you pushed that knife against my chest,” I admitted. “But it was calm. I knew I needed to protect you. Everything that darkness wanted to do also wanted to protect you. It was instinct.”
Her head moved in a quick, subtle nod, a ghost of a smile playing on her lips. “We’re real.” She took another step and lifted her chin so her mouth was only a breath from mine. “What if—?”
“No more what ifs.” A growl raked up my throat. “It’s real or it’s not.” Her soft gasp when my hand snaked out to grip her waist nearly brought me to my knees. “You were made for me or you weren’t. You love me or you don’t.”
“I do. I do, and I was and it is . . .” Her lips spread into a smile that lit her face and stopped my heart in a way that had nothing to do with my darkness. In a way I’d never experienced.
I wanted this girl to make my heart stop beating for the rest of time.
“And I belong to you.”
My mouth was on hers and she was in my arms, and I was moving us backward before the taste of her claim could leave her tongue.
Her legs curled around my hips when I laid her on the bed, her body arching and her head dropping back in a silent plea.
I trailed my mouth over her throat, leaving soft kisses along her bruised skin as I worked down to her collarbone. Grabbing the collar of my shirt she was wearing, I pulled it aside and left teasing bites as that familiar darkness breathed to life.
I gripped the comforter instinctively to brace against the darkness.
But that jagged, needy voice slipped through.
Pull her closer. Keep her safe, safe, safe . . .
My body rocked against hers, and the beast inside roared when she moaned in response.
Mine, mine, mine.
But I needed to keep her safe.
Safe.
Fucking safe.
And she’d just faced her demons.
I brushed my lips against her skin once . . . twice . . . and then I slowly pushed myself off her.
She reached for me, her eyes wide with confusion as I stood at the edge of the bed, silently waiting until I was in control of my mind again.
Her legs were still wrapped loosely around my hips, giving me a clear view of where she was bare and ready for me beneath the shirt. And it was making this a hell of a lot more difficult.
A groan sounded deep in my chest as I fought with myself to unlock her legs and help her into a sitting position when all I wanted was to slide the shirt up a little more and devour her.
“What are you doing?”
