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Begging to end a life.
“Kieran,” Jessica whispered, her lips close to my ear. “Let go.”
It would be so easy.
It would be done before he even knew I was there.
I jolted when Jessica sat on my lap, straddling my legs and reaching for my clenched fists.
I gripped her arms and turned her around so her back was to me, and let my head fall between her shoulder blades as I forced rough breaths from my lungs.
Our arms were intertwined and wrapped around her body. One in front, holding her to me, the other pinned between us. And there, between my hand and her arm, lay the knife I’d been holding earlier. I curled the fingers of my other hand around another one of my blades.
I couldn’t remember grabbing it.
I searched her arm then gently brought her other arm behind us to search that one too.
I slid my knives into my pocket and blew out a harsh breath. “Jessica . . .”
“Am I bleeding out?” Even through the music and loud voices, I could hear the tease in her voice.
There wasn’t even a scratch on her.
“Jessica, I’m sorry.”
She twisted on my lap and waited until I was looking at her. “That means yes. How long do I have, doc?”
I worked my jaw and shot her a warning glare. “It’s not funny. You can’t . . . you can’t put yourself in front of me.”
“I’ve been in front of you.”
“And it’s dangerous.”
“I like danger.” The words were said so softly they were almost drowned out in the noise around us.
“Putting yourself in front of me at any time is dangerous. Putting yourself in front of me when I’m like . . . When I’m—”
“Nightshade?”
I let out a defeated breath and watched her for a few seconds before looking past her. I hated that goddamn name.
“It’s physically draining to try to remain in control sometimes. When I’m not in control, if someone’s face to face the way you just were . . .” I shook my head once. And like I was drawn, my eyes found hers again. “It could happen without a thought. It has happened.”
Her lips parted with a rough exhale. And for a second, I could’ve sworn there was longing in her eyes. “Why face to face?”
“Cowards kill people by stabbing them in the back,” I mumbled, remembering my dad’s words and training. “I look them all in the eyes when I kill them.”
It’d taken me years to tell Lily that.
And I’d told Jessica like it was nothing.
Maybe because she wasn’t a purpose.
Maybe because I knew, of anyone in this fucked-up world, she might understand.
She looked at me for a minute then nodded. “That’s oddly beautiful. And morbid.”
My chest shook with a laugh. The feeling foreign and so damn freeing at the same time.
