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Content to be like this. Not pushing what I couldn’t give her.
“How are you so sure I would tell you those things? How are you so sure I’m telling you the truth?”
“The girl I first met? The girl who stole my wallet and knife and laughed like nothing in the world touched her? She comes from the same place my darkness does. And she lies. The girl who’s been in my bed the last few days? She’s different, and she tells me things she doesn’t tell anyone else. She tells me everything I need to know.”
Even with the drops of water dotting Jessica’s face, I saw the tears well in her eyes and race down her cheeks.
With a subtle nod, she asked, “Then why have you been using condoms?”
My jaw locked, and my chest felt tight in a way I couldn’t understand.
I couldn’t understand the possession I felt with the girl in my arms.
I couldn’t understand the pain that came with wanting her.
I couldn’t understand the jealousy.
I’d just met her. She’d just come laughing and dancing into my life like an unpredictable twister. But I’d never been more aware of how much I needed someone.
“Because you’re still fucking other men.”
She blinked quickly then forced out a breath of a laugh. “Right. Almost forgot that one.” Tapping her middle finger to her temple, she rolled her eyes. “Silly me to forget about the other cocks in my life.” She pulled away from me and was almost out of the walk-in shower when I put my hand to her chest and shoved her against the marble wall.
Her ebony eyes lit with that excitement that made my blood boil.
“Angry?” she asked in that fucking taunting tone. “I wanna see how angry you can get, baby.”
I pressed my forehead to hers and slid my hand up her throat until my thumb was brushing over her lips. “You wanna be dark, Jessica? Let’s be dark.”
My breaths came slower until they were almost nonexistent. I could feel my hand trembling where it stayed, just below her jaw. But I fought with everything I had to keep it from taking over. I needed to watch her eyes.
The second the laughter disappeared in them, I slammed my free hand into the wall, pushed away from her, and moved into my bathroom, a vicious roar exploding from my chest as everything went so fucking dark.
The next thing I knew I was pacing the length of my bedroom. Water still beading my skin. Shorts on. Chest heaving. Knife in hand.
Jessica was in one of my plain white shirts, leaning against the doorframe leading into the bathroom, watching me with a curious expression.
I forced myself to stop pacing and faced her with my trembling arms crossed over my chest. “Did I hurt you?”
“Of course not.” She gestured to me. “You were gone before I even knew you were moving.”
“In the shower, Jessica. The wall,” I said through clenched teeth. “Did I hurt you?”
“No. How could that have hurt?” When I didn’t answer, she asked, “Don’t you remember?”
I remembered forcing her back. I remembered everything in the shower. I remember not being able to stop once I’d started.
“You slowed me right before I landed against the wall. I barely felt it.”
I ran my hands through my hair and down my face, hating myself and hating the knife in my hand. “I’m so damn sorry.”
“For what?” she asked, suddenly at my side. “For making my demons go away when I told you I could fight them myself?” She smirked and pressed her mouth to my shoulder. “I knew what you were doing.”
I hooked my arm around her waist to pull her closer and buried my head in her neck. “Jessica, for my sanity, I need you to hear me. If I wanted a whore, I’d go find one. If I thought of you as one, I’d treat you like one.”
She gripped my hair, forcing me to look into her sad eyes. “My fractured mind will understand that when you understand you don’t have to apologize every time your darkness creeps through.”
My chest moved with a grim laugh. “Never.”
