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What’s necessary.
“What does it look like?” The reply came out thick with emotion, and I silently cursed my tight throat and every weakness he brought out in me.
“Jessica . . .”
I picked up my bag and bit out, “Who do you see?” I stalked across the room and grabbed my clothes and the chain from the bed, shoved them into my bag, and turned to face him. “Who do you see when you fuck me? When you think you’ve hurt me? When you’re apologizing?”
Kieran’s hands drove into his hair, his eyes wide with confusion. “What the fuck, Jessica? You. I see you.”
I scoffed and turned toward the door, not bothering with the window.
“Jessica.”
I rounded on him when he grabbed my arm and said, “I’m not Lily. If you were seeing me then you would know demons take over sometimes. You would know that I know how to fight mine same as you, but it takes time. You would remember the darkness inside us begs for us to come together. You would remember that your dark excites me.”
I yanked my arm free and stormed toward the door, but his hand came down on it before I could open it.
“Don’t,” he begged, his tone rough.
Tears blurred my vision so I dropped my head to stare at the floor.
“Every moment with you has been something I never thought I would have,” I admitted and choked back a sob.
Stop me from leaving.
Tell me you understand.
Tell me you won’t hate me when this is over.
“Sometimes my mind conjures someone terrifying,” I whispered. “But when that happens, I’m taken back to another time, and I struggle to get back to you because I know you’re there. All I see is you.” I looked over my shoulder at him just as the tears fell, racing down my cheeks.
My heart ached at the sight of the man behind me.
He looked broken. He looked lost. And he looked so, so afraid.
Make it go away.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
“If you saw me, you wouldn’t apologize. Because I’m not the girl who’s afraid of what you’re capable of.”
I couldn’t wrap my mind around this day.
How we’d gone from the high and low of this morning to the best fucking experience of my life . . . to the worst.
Then again, I shouldn’t have expected anything different.
That’s how everything with Jessica had been. Extreme highs and dangerous lows. Each one leaving me craving more.
More of her touches and sighs.
More of her untainted laughs and whispered words.
More of the way her chaos calmed mine.
The girl was poison . . . I’d known that. I’d known she’d wreak havoc and then rip herself from my life.
But I wanted more. I thought I could change her mind.
