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“Are you almost done?” he asked softly; his lips brushed the back of my neck as he spoke.
“Yeah.”
His hands moved to slip under the bottom of my shirt, and I suddenly wanted to have more dishes that needed to be washed.
“Then hurry.”
I didn’t.
As soon as the last plate was in the dishwasher, Collin was pulling me back toward the bedroom. I don’t remember him undressing me, and I wasn’t sure when his clothes had joined mine on the floor. I just knew he was laying me back on the bed, and I was losing my grip on my safe place to block out what was happening. I needed to get back to my safe place in my head; I didn’t want to be a part of this.
Gripping my chin in one of his hands, he forced me to look up at him as he moved inside me. Each thrust made my body jerk against the bed as I felt my hate for him grow. My arms lay unmoving at my sides, my body stiff as I fought with myself to push him away.
He could’ve been fucking a corpse and there would have been little difference.
Releasing my jaw, he sat back and moved his hand between us, and every nerve ending came alive when his fingers brushed against me. My head fell to the side and I stared at the window as my body started responding to him. I clenched my jaw shut against the shaking, and began hating myself for feeling any kind of pleasure from him. My throat tightened against the tears I was holding back, and my body jerked with silent sobs when he forced an orgasm from me.
Leaning back over me, he quickened his pace until he found his own release, and seconds later he was moving my head so I was facing him again. If he saw the wetness in my eyes, he didn’t comment on it.
He pressed his lips to mine firmly. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I managed to say past the tightness in my throat.
“Go clean up.”
As soon as he released my chin, I was moving out from underneath him and off the bed to walk into the bathroom. After cleaning myself, I stood in front of the mirror just staring at what I’d become.
My brown hair was dull and flat, and might have started thinning, but it was still too thick to be sure. My blue eyes had no life left in them, and I wondered what people saw in them even when I pretended everything was fine. I’d lost forty pounds when I’d only had about five I could lose when I’d met Collin. Bones stuck out that shouldn’t, making the bruises on my stomach and tops of my thighs that much more apparent.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to eat—I couldn’t. I was always too afraid of what was about to happen, or was coming off whatever had just happened. If I did manage to eat, the stress from my life with Collin usually had it souring in my stomach soon after. And the bruises—there was never enough time for the old ones to disappear before there were new ones there. But Collin was smart: he never put them somewhere they could be seen. Which is why knowing pressure points and how to instill fear were his biggest allies.
I took in my whole reflection, and grimaced. Twenty-two, and I looked like I was days away from death’s door. Maybe one day God would be kind enough to just take me, because Lord knew there was no other way to escape Collin.
Chapter 3
Knox
Present Day—Thatch, Washington
“OH WOW. HARDER. Harder. Oh my God, yes. Oh, it feels so good. Yes. Yes, I’m almost the—”
I crushed my mouth down onto the girl’s to get her to shut up if even for a few seconds. She hadn’t stopped talking once since I’d met her, and the talking only increased after the clothes came off. Depending on the girl and the talking she did, I loved it when they said exactly what they wanted in bed. But I was struggling to keep my erection with the way this girl sounded.
As soon as her high-pitched moan sounded against the kiss, I slowed my movements in a way that I hoped had her thinking I had gotten off, too.
Christ . . . I was turning into a girl. I was faking a goddamn orgasm just to be done with sex. Graham and Deacon were never going to let me live this down. And then I realized I was thinking about my best friends during sex, and I wondered what in the hell this girl had actually done to me. Worst mistake I’d ever made. The way she tried to make her voice sound like she was a child should have been a clue.
When I thought it was safe to move, I pulled out and immediately got off my bed and headed toward the bathroom.
“Oh my God, that was amazing. Really, so amazing. Thank you so much. Oh, I just can’t. I can’t. Oh my God.”
After disposing of the barely used condom, I gripped the sink and bit back a groan as she continued talking.
“Come back to bed. I need to have snuggles after sex.”
“Snuggles?” I whispered, and looked over my shoulder.
“If you take any longer in there, I’m going to be ready for another round by the time you get back here!”
