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“I want your opinion,” I said quickly. “I want your opinion, but I just want my brother. I don’t like when you say things and that’s the final decision for my life. Part of the agreement was that I needed to find my own place, but the times I’ve even mentioned that I’ve looked at places, you still say that it would just be easier to stay here in a way that hints that you don’t want us leaving. Yes, it would be easier, but I need a place with Keith, and you and Grey and Aly need this place to yourselves.”
Jagger nodded slowly. “I know.” He sighed slowly, and said, “I know. Grey and I were talking on the way home about what you said. I don’t think I realize all that I’ve been
doing all these years, and I swear to God I’ll step back.” He made a face, and the corners of his mouth pulled up in another grin. “Try to. But there’s one thing I need to know. Do you resent me for making you go to college?” When I took too long to answer, he laughed sadly. “Got it.”
“No, I don’t. Really, Jag, I don’t. I was trying to think of how exactly I felt.” I looked away as I tried to gather my thoughts, and when I spoke again, my words started off slow and unsure. “I was upset, yes, but I knew why you did it. I knew that going away was something I had wanted growing up, and I think you were just trying to make sure I still had that. My wants changed after Keith was born though, and I don’t think you could fully understand that until Aly was here. But honestly, I’m not mad that you forced me to go, I’m mostly mad that I allowed you to. Like I said, some people think I pawned Keith off on you, and that’s how I feel too. It felt like as soon as he got to be mine, I abandoned him. I feel like I’m no better than Mom.”
“You’re nothing like her,” he argued gently.
I chewed on my bottom lip as dozens of responses and insecurities came to mind, but didn’t voice any of them.
Jagger exhaled heavily as he stood, and leaned down to kiss the top of my head. When he straightened, he asked hesitantly, “Can I ask about one more thing?”
I looked up and lifted an eyebrow in silent response.
“Deacon.”
My face fell. “What about him?”
“What’s going on between you two?”
“I don’t—” I started to tell him it wasn’t something I wanted to discuss before I realized that Jagger’s tone was different from Grey’s earlier that week. “Um. Wait, how do you mean . . .”
“I’m not gonna be able to sleep if I think there’s something going on between you and Deacon fucking Carver. I get that you want me to back off, Charlie, and Deacon’s a great guy . . . but not in that way. Never in that way, and especially not for you. I know Grey would say the same.”
I forced a laugh and tried to ignore the way my stomach swirled with heat. Jagger’s worries were unnecessary because Deacon would never look at me like that, and I hated that I felt anything for him at all. “It’s not—there’s nothing—no, you have it wrong. Deacon and I fought earlier this week. He was trying to apologize tonight. That’s all.”
“Apologize.” Jagger’s tone was full of disbelief. “Do you have any clue how close the two of you were tonight?”
Yes. I knew exactly how close. I could still feel Deacon’s body pressed against mine, the way his fingers curled against me . . .
Irrational, betraying heart.
“I didn’t want to talk to him. I’d already walked away from him. He was trying to keep me there so I would listen to him.”
Jagger’s eyes narrowed. “Are you gonna tell me what he was trying to apologize for?”
“No.”
He nodded, as if he’d expected the answer. “All right. And you swear there isn’t something else going on between the two of you?”
“Jagger, I have only ever been with Ben. I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I have a son. Do you really think the next guy I’d choose would end up being one of the two remaining town man-whores?”
Jagger shrugged. “You surprised me before.”
I deserved that. “There’s nothing there, but whenever—if ever—I find someone to be with, trust me to make the right decision for me and Keith. Okay?”
After a short hesitation, he nodded, and then turned to walk toward the loft where his and Grey’s room was.
I pulled myself off the couch and headed toward the bedroom, ready to crawl into bed and sleep for the few hours I had before I needed to wake up for my shift. I checked on Keith, and smiled at the way he was sleeping, completely sprawled out with all of the covers pushed all the way down.
As I was pulling the comforter back over him, my phone vibrated on my nightstand, and my heart skipped a beat.
I stared at it until the screen went black again, then slowly straightened and walked around the room to retrieve it. With shaky hands, I picked up my phone and held my breath as I prepared to check the lock screen.
The air ripped from my lungs and my heart took off when I read the message that waited for me.
Stranger: And here I’d thought you’d taken your words away from me . . .
