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I was jealous.
Of my best fucking friend.
“Would she . . .” I began, but didn’t continue.
Grey looked at me helplessly. “I’m not sure. Before she came home from college, I would’ve sworn that she would have never been involved with either of you. But I saw her tonight, and she has asked me about Graham.”
Shock hit me as fast as the jealousy had.
“How’s it feel, Deac? How does it feel knowing a girl can hurt you like this?” Disappointment and sympathy and sorrow swirled in her eyes. “I don’t know what happened between you two when you got to the warehouse tonight, but I saw what your actions did to Charlie today. Remember that you can hurt her, remember that you have. Think hard about what you want, and if you decide to go for what you’ve never had, know that you are not allowed to hurt her again like you did today.”
I ground my teeth to keep from saying anything, and nodded.
My phone chimed twice from wherever I’d dropped it next to me, and Grey used the distraction to stand up and move away from me.
“I mean it, Deacon, think really hard about what you want from her, and the consequences that come with that decision. I’ll only help you out with Jagger this once. If you do it again, I’ll let him come visit you afterward.”
I nodded again, and scrambled up to walk her out. When she was stepping out of the house, I asked, “Do you think this is all I can be?”
Grey slowly lifted an eyebrow in question.
“This, how people know me now. Is that all I will ever be to everyone else?”
The confusion left her face and was replaced by a smirk. “A man-whore?”
Again, a title that would have normally had me feeling damn proud of myself left me irritated.
“No, Deac. But that’s all you’ll be until you’re ready to force them to see something different.” She took slow steps backward, and shrugged. “Knox did it, I have no doubt that you can too, just like I have no doubt that Graham will be trying to do it soon too.”
A dent formed between my brows. Suspicion, confusion, jealousy, anger—everything I wasn’t used to, and everything I hated when it came to my friends. “Graham? Why?”
Another shrug. “There have been more than a few times in the last couple years when Graham and I have talked about hypothetical scenarios, and somehow he always ends up with a girl he grew up with. I’ve just been waiting to find out which girl these not-so-hypothetical scenarios are about.” She pointed to the house, and said warily, “Unless that conversation was my first clue.”
My hand curled around the door frame.
“Night, Deacon.”
Once Grey was in her car and pulling out of the driveway, I had to force myself not to go talk to Graham about whether or not he’d been out with Charlie, or had just run into her with her date. I was too pissed off to talk to him rationally, and I was too confused to understand why I needed to know at all.
I started walking toward my room when my phone caught my eye where I’d left it on the floor of the living room. I felt my frustration seep away when I saw the name on the notification screen.
Words: I’m here.
Words: Are you okay?
I had no fucking clue if I was okay, but I knew I needed her and needed this. I didn’t know what to think about the fact that just seeing her name on my phone could instantly make me forget about everything that had happened today, but I was thankful for it.
Yeah, just need you. I don’t know how, but I’ve somehow missed talking to you since this morning.
Words: Those are dangerous words, Stranger.
But it’s true. My day . . . Christ, everything in it feels wrong and goes wrong without you.
Words: Don’t. Don’t say that. What you’re saying does dangerous things to my heart.
Heart. There was that word again.
The thought that I had the capability of doing anything to Charlie’s heart made me feel uneasy—wrong. Because not only was I not the kind of guy who had anything to offer to her, but I had a feeling that I wouldn’t know how to stop hurting her if I had her.
