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His eyebrows shot up. “Seriously? You can’t even be his advocate. He was a selfish, obsessive, needy asshole who constantly stood in her way.”
“He was her lobster!”
“Lobsters don’t even mate for life.” Dex rolled his eyes. “They’re dirty little cheaters. Like Ross, since they weren’t on a break.”
I paused. “I agree with you there. And really, they don’t mate for life?”
He shook his head, leaning against the doorframe. “Nope. They’re monogamous, but they change partners. If Pheobe wanted to be accurate, she should have called them penguins.”
I put my coffee mug under the machine and hit the button. “How…how the hell do you know so much about Friends?”
“I have a sister. I make stupid bets. I’ve watched them a lot.”
“Did we have this conversation last night?”
“No, darlin’, we didn’t. It was mostly you telling me how nervous you were to have dinner with me which lead to you getting drunk. There was a little in there about us having sex, too.”
I leaned forward and slumped against the countertop, burying my face in my arms. “Oh no, no, noooo.”
“I admit, my favorite part of the night was when you stopped vomiting enough to compliment my sex skills and thank me for the best orgasm of your life.”
I turned my head to the side and craned to meet his eyes. “I can’t decide if this is all true, or if you’re just saying it to wind me up.”
Dex held up his hands, then drew an invisible cross over his heart. “Cross my heart. It’s all true.”
“What are you crossing your heart for?” Roxy appeared behind him and looked between us.
My coffee stopped pouring, so I stood up.
Dex nodded toward me. “I’m promising her I’m not making up the drunk mess she was last night.”
“Well, you do drive people to drink,” Roxy replied. She pushed past him and opened the fridge. She grabbed the cream and took over making my coffee. “And, Jamie, if he’s crossing his heart, he’s telling the truth.”
I shot Dex a skeptical side-eye. “Really?”
“Yep,” Roxy answered for him. “Charley made him start doing it when she was four because he kept promising ice-cream and never following through. It’s habit. If he crosses his heart, he’s being completely truthful.”
Interesting.
“Interesting,” I said. “Thank you.” I took my coffee from her and sipped.
“It’s not habit,” Dex argued, still unmoving from his place in the doorway. “I only say when I want someone to believe me.”
“Did you steal my diary and leave it in Gary Forsyth’s locker in high school?” Roxy shot back.
“No.”
She raised her eyebrows then turned to me. “See? Liar.”
“Why are you in my garage? You’re all up in my business lately. Go away.”
Roxy grinned ear-to-ear. “I told you, I’m taking my friend Jamie to lunch. You just happen to be here.”
Dex glared at her.
“And I’m all up in your business because you’re a stubborn-ass dick,” she continued, examining her nails.
He carried on glaring. “I don’t think she’s hungry. She just got here.”
I looked between them. “No, no, I’m hungry.” I couldn’t be further from being hungry, but still…
I took one last swig from my mug before tipping the rest down the sink and looking at Roxy. “Let’s go.”
***
“What’s good here?” Roxy browsed the menu of my favorite taco place.
“Literally everything,” I replied. And now, after the drive, I was hungry.
And yes, I was eating tacos again. So shoot me. There was no such thing as too many tacos, all right?
Plus, it wasn’t like I’d really had dinner last night, was it?
“All righty then.” She glanced across it one more time, just as our server came up.
We both placed our orders, and I gratefully took the ice water she’d left at our table.
Roxy slid the big-ass jug of water over to the back of the booth and tore the top off the paper packaging for the straw. “So. I’m sure you’re fully aware of my ulterior motive for this lunch date. Not that I don’t love spending time with the person who can bring my asshole of a brother to his knees, but in the name of honesty and all that shit.”
I snorted so hard I sucked water into my nose. I pinched my nostrils together and waited until the freeze had passed. “Yep. I’m pretty sure I do know, and I’m pretty sure you planned this before I got apparently blind drunk last night.”
“I’d get blind drunk if I had to go on a date with him even if he wasn’t my brother.” She stirred the ice cubes with her straw, sipped, and edged the glass aside. Then grinned. “He told me that you two, you know, did it.”
I was going to kill him.
“Um…” My cheeks flamed. “It was an accident.”
“Yeah, sure. I mean, you see people tripping and shoving their dicks into random vaginas all the time.”
I coughed and glanced away. “Well, it doesn’t matter, because after last night…”
