“I thought his name was Ares.”
“IamAres. She’s talking about somebody else,” I say. Facing my aunt unprepared with Lareina wasn’t part of my plan for the day. I was going to talk to Dad and Akiko first.
I place Lareina on one of the stools, making sure there’s an empty one between her and Jeremiah. My aunt has many admirable qualities, but nurturing and welcoming aren’t her forte.
“So who is she and why is she here?” she asks me, as though Lareina weren’t right in front of her.
“I’m Lareina. And I’m Ares’s wife.”
“I see.” Aunt Jeremiah continues to study Lareina, her eyes narrowed.
Lareina merely looks back with a smile, which sparks a reluctant respect. It isn’t easy to remain serene—and very few people manage to keep themselves together when faced with my aunt. She’s a scary cross-examiner. If the family hadn’t been so focused on its legal empire, she could’ve had a career at the CIA or NSA, interrogating terrorism suspects.
She turns to me. “So this is the answer to our objection to your promotion?”
“Yes. Lareina is a nice, respectable wife.”
“Mmm.” Noncommittal. So typical of my aunt, since she hates being pinned down until she feels she has sufficient data to make a decision.
I check to see the damage she’s done to my groceries. Although she broke in and helped herself to my wine, she hasn’t contributed a thing to my pantry or fridge.
I quickly toast a couple of bagels, then load them with cream cheese and smoked salmon slices with a few gherkins. I hand a plate to Lareina along with a bottle of water. She sips slowly, but doesn’t touch the food.
“Picky eater?” Aunt Jeremiah’s tone would be conversational to most, but not to me. There’s a tinge of surprise that I’d be with someone who’s so particular. She’s seen me with my exes. “Inattentive, uncaring workaholic asshole who might be fun to screw but is bad for everything else and certainly not worth the fuss” is what she called me some years ago after my third romantic relationship ended. My ex at that time made a scene in the Huxley & Webber lobby every day for over two months, and I walked past her, seeing through her as though she were a stranger.
“Not really,” Lareina says. “Just not that hungry yet.”
I bite into my own bagel sandwich.Time to rescue Lareina.“What are you doing here, Aunt Jeremiah? Where are your clothes?”
“The pipes in my bathroom sprang a leak that went unnoticed, and made an unholy mess at my place. The plumber said repairs would take a while. Obviously, my house is uninhabitable until he’s finished.”
“And…?” I prompt her, still unsure why she’shere, in my home.
“So here I am.” She smiles creepily through the green goo. There’s a reason smiley faces are yellow.
“No hotels?”
“Couldn’t find anything I liked. You know I’m discerning.”
“Why not Ted?” I say.
“He’s hosting an orgy at his place this weekend.”
I give Lareina a reassuring smile.We aren’t as weird as that sounds. Orgies! Avoided!
Her eyes skitter from me and my aunt, then drop to her plate.Some impression to make on a twenty-nine-year-old virgin. Jesus.
“Why not Hux?” I say irritably, referring to her son. Ted was too lazy to use his creativity, so he named the child Huxley after Aunt Jeremiah’s surname. He fits so many criteria for deadbeat fathers—except for the fact that he’s rich as hell and financially generous with his seven sons.
“He absolutely refuses to share his place with me. Says he’s married. Needs his privacy. Ridiculous.” She puffs, then waves her cigar irritably.
“So stay with Dad.” I take another bite.
Her back stiffens. “That insufferable know-it-all thinks that the ruling in—”
“Got it,” I interrupt before she starts in on her thesis about the constitutionality of some really old and obscure case. Dad and she often disagree on the most abstruse points of law, and being that they’re both headstrong lawyers, neither will give an inch. But it’s really for the best that she doesn’t stay with Dad, for Akiko’s sake. My stepmother isn’t a lawyer, but both Dad and Aunt Jeremiah try to drag her into their arguments, wanting her to judge the validity of their legal theories. Since Akiko hates to cause disharmony and hard feelings, she absolutely detests it when they bicker and does her best to ply them with saké, hoping good alcohol will dull their sharp tongues.
Aunt Jeremiah flicks her eyes at Lareina, then at me. “Why is your wife looking at you like a dog watching its owner eat?”
