Her back.She’s worried I might touch the scar, discover the shape and roughness of it underneath the shirt.
The withdrawal hits me like a bucket of ice water. The blood in my body instantly chills. When she told me she didn’t want me to see it before, I thought maybe she was just shy about it, unsure about my reaction. But we’ve been together long enough that she should have some trust in me, shouldn’t she? I even promised I would always be honest with her.
I pull back as well. “Yeah, okay. I have some work to do anyway. Need to review a contract.” I manage to say it calmly, although my throat is tight.
“Right! You want some more?”
“No, I’m good. Are you…?”
“I’m fine. Yup, fine. Why don’t you go on up, and, uh, let me know if…”
She’s pushing me away. Part of me wants to stay and argue, but I also understand that she won’t tell me anything until she’s ready. Even though she opened up about her past in front of me and my family before, she hasn’t shared everything. Given her forceful personality, nothing will move her until she decides it’s time.
The study feels lonely and oddly cold. Weird. I’ve never felt that way about the place before. It’s one of my favorite rooms, designed for maximum comfort and productivity. Everything I need is within easy reach on the desk, and the bookcases have all the reference materials I might need. There’s a comfy reading couch if I want to stretch out rather than sit at my desk.
But my focus, usually a strong point, is gone. The words on the paper don’t make any sense. Twenty minutes in, I realize I’ve been on the same page since I entered the study. Sighing, I rub a hand over my forehead.What am I doing here? I should go talk to my wife about—
Lareina peeks through the open door. “Hey.”
She’s changed out of her shirt and shorts, replacing them with a blue dress that hugs her perfectly.She probably doesn’t want me touching her bare back again. The realization is bitter. “Hey.”
She blinks at my brusque tone, then bites her lip. “Mind if I sit here for a while?”
An overture. She doesn’t want our marriage to be uncomfortable and weird. I draw in air. My uneasiness from earlier abates a bit. She’s right about this point. Even if we have our differences, they shouldn’t carry over.
When I don’t answer immediately, she lifts a charcoal stick and a sketchbook in her arms. “I want to do some drawings, but need a little inspiration.”
“Am I your inspiration?”
“Who else? Especially when I want to capture a man at work.”
Despite myself, I smile a little. My wife has the most extraordinary ability to soothe any negative emotion. “All right.”
“Thank you, Sir Muse.” She grins and settles on the couch.
Now the room is filled with the sound of her soft breathing and the whisper of charcoal on paper. Suddenly it doesn’t feel so cold and empty anymore.
Subtle electric currents run in the air, making my skin prickle. I try to focus on the contract, but I can’t stop glancing at her from time to time. The blue is a good color for her, deepening her eyes until they stand out more vividly. She looks at her phone occasionally, but then quickly returns to her drawing. Her eyebrows pinch together, and she taps her chin with the end of the charcoal from time to time as she angles her head in thought.
Although she’s changed clothes, she left the purple orchid in her hair. Perhaps she needs more time before she can really trust me. If the scar is a long-held trauma, we might need more than just a few weeks together.
Patience,I tell myself.
“If someone were to gift you a portrait, would you prefer that it be big or small?” she asks suddenly.
I straighten. Is she drawing me? “Small enough to carry in my wallet,” I say without hesitation. I’d love to look at the little picture and see what she sees when she looks at me. It’d be great if I needed cheering up. Or just because I was thinking of her.
Actually, a wallet wouldn’t be a good idea, since the sketch could be damaged. I’ll pull out the antique pocket watch Grandfather left me and put the sketch inside the lid. The watch is fancy enough to go with any of my suits. When I’m in something more casual…
Fuck it. I’ve seen people wear Rolexes with Walmart T-shirts.
“That’s so small. It wouldn’t take much time at all,” Lareina says.
“Another advantage,” I say, hiding my anticipation. She purses her lips seriously, doing a great job of acting nonchalant. She’s so cute when she thinks she’s being smooth. “I mean, you wouldn’t want to keep the person waiting, right?”
“No. Okay, you’re right. This is long overdue.”
Long overdue?We haven’t known each other for that long, and it’s only been a week since I converted one of the rooms into a studio for her.
