–Mom: Nobody would say, and you didn’t text me or your dad or Katt. Apparently two people died in the fire. I just want to know. In case I need to file a claim.
File a claim?
–Me: A CLAIM?
–Mom: Oh. So you’re alive.
–Me: You took out life insurance on me?
–Mom: Yes, when you were one. It was only two bucks to start. And we sort of forgot about it until recently. But the payout is decent. A million dollars.
My jaw slackens. Tremors run through me, and I can barely hold the phone. A million dollars.I can feel her disappointment through the screen. If only I’d been a little slower leaving the inferno, I could’ve just died and become useful.
–Mom: I guess it’s all right. Maybe next time.
I do a double take.
–Me: Next time?
–Mom: You know what I mean.
–Me: I know what it sounds like. That you’re sad I didn’t die in the fire.
As soon as I hit send, an overwhelming sense of misery washes over me. I bend over, an arm around my belly. Why is it that I feel so small and pathetic every time I speak to my mom? I’m tempted to ask if she bought the same policy on Katt, too, but I’m too chicken. What if she says no? That she only bought one for me because Katt’s better alive than dead?
My thoughts are a mess, my emotions a tangled knot that can’t be pulled apart.
–Mom: You’re being melodramatic. It was just a figure of speech. And a lack of humor is unbecoming.
–Me: Yes, of course. Sorry I’m being too overly serious instead of dead.
–Mom: I didn’t even really yell at you for publicly embarrassing Katt in that video. You know you can’t hang on to a man like Josh Huxley anyway. Just help Katt plan her wedding to him and stop embarrassing yourself. Thanks to the video, pretty soon everyone’s going to know you got dumped. But if you show up at the wedding, people won’t think it was such a bad breakup.
–Me: Has it ever occurred to you that maybe—just MAYBE—he likes me?
–Mom: Are you high from inhaling too much smoke or something?
I shake all over as tears gather in my eyes. Why is my own mom so casually cruel to me? Why does she think I’m sounworthy?
Then I recall the way Josh looked at me in the car, his eyes steady and unwavering just before said he liked me. How that made me warm, made my heart race.
–Me: He SAID he likes me.
–Mom: And you believe him? Men say things they don’t mean all the time, especially to young women who don’t have much going for them. I wouldn’t confuse pity with affection.
I put down my phone, too upset to continue the conversation. All the delicious tension and fluttery sensations Josh gave me have disappeared, leaving me cold and empty inside.
Then I force a stiff smile. Should just let all this roll off me.It doesn’t matter what she says. It shouldn’t. As long as I can put on a smile, I’ll be fine.
Chapter Seventeen
Josh
The sales clerk at Sebastian Jewelry hovers as I look around. A soft Mozart piano sonata floats in the air. I walk along the marble floor and study the selection of diamonds, laid out on dark navy velvet. Nothing really screamsKlein. She needs something lovely, delicate and sweet. Nothing overly ostentatious but something that makes a statement that she’s important.
“Is there anything that catches your eye?” the clerk says. His name tag reads Andrew.
“Well, Andrew, I need something grand and sweet. It needs to show that the woman is significant to me.”
