“Ailee, he wouldn’t have agreed to do that if he didn’t care about you,” Max says. “You guys are doing a really slow burn, but it’ll turn into something more.”
I shake my head and let out a wobbly laugh, abruptly realizing that, once again, I went for my default response:Good things don’t happen to me. And if they do, they don’t last for long.
Max gives me a skeptical look and takes another bite of her scone. “You sleep with him yet?”
My cheeks warm before I can say a word.
“Ah-hah! That blush says everything!” She leans closer. “He was good, right? I got something to make it even better.” She pulls out a box out from her big tote bag. “Tada! I got you a surprise subscription to the Year of Coming First. I didn’t know your new address, so I had them deliver the first box to my office. But I’ll change it as soon as you send it to me.”
I cover my mouth in shock. But at least the box is discreet. “Purple and pink? It’s like some kind of baby product,” I say, looking at the packaging.
“The activitydoesoccasionally lead to procreation, so…” She shrugs with a mischievous spark in her eyes. “Check it out.”
Looking around to make sure that nobody’s paying attention, I open the box and rummage through the crinkling tissue papers. The first thing is… A pair of silver nipple clamps.Seriously?The instructions say they vibrate, but they seem a little too heavy. “I don’t think these are really for me,” I say with a small giggle.
“Don’t know that until you try.” Max makes a rolling gesture. “Keep digging.”
“There’s more?” Shoving them to the side, I pull out a very nice-looking pair of panties in a gorgeous, satiny red. The shade is super sexy, but not something you always see in stores. Somehow Silicone Dream got the color just right. Having an extra pair wouldn’t be so bad, since I still haven’t found the ones I lost, and there hasn’t been a chance to replace them yet. Underneath the underwear is an instruction booklet for the panties. “Instructions to put on underwear? Especially when you’re old enough to buy sex toys?”
Max starts laughing, then nearly chokes on her coffee.
I hand her a napkin, and she dabs her mouth and chin while giving me a small, anticipatory smirk. I glance at the cover of the manual, my opinion on humankind sinking lower. But…oh, wait. Thepanties vibrate, too?And come with a remote control? I upend the box, and a sleek black cylinder rolls out, chic and discreet.
“Look at that. You can use an app if you download it to your phone. Then connect your device to the Bluetooth on your phone and control it, whichever is more convenient. How high tech,” I murmur as I glance at the manual.
“Sex toys have come a long way. But all the advancement has been for a good cause,” Max says, then picks up the remote control. Her index finger runs over a little dial on the side that looks like a mouse wheel, then she taps the end of the stick.
Abruptly, the panties start to dance. The crotch part clatters loudly on the table.Oh crap. I slap my hand over it. “Turn it off!” I whisper, praying nobody notices.
Max taps the tip of the remote again, and the panties quiet down.
I look around. Everyone’s either busy enjoying their coffee and scones or has their nose to their phone, thank God. “What the hell? This underwearrattles!” I say, doing my best to keep my voice down.
Max takes a sip of her drink. “Because you aren’t wearing them. But at least you know they work.”
“I can’t wear something thatrattles, Max! With my luck, I’ll go viral as Rattle Pussy.”
She laughs until tears fall from her eyes. “It won’t if it’s flush against your private parts, so don’t worry. It also has a crotch hole, in case you want your partner to do something about your horniness. The size I ordered should be snug enough for you, so you don’t miss out on the motor action. I have a sense for these things.”
My jaw slackens at how smug she sounds. “How do you know all this?”
“Because I also have a pair, and they work great.”
“Isn’t it better to just use a regular vibrator?” I’m not certain the tiny motor in the panties would be enough to push anybody over. I know I need more.
“In public?”
“What?Why would you want to masturbate in public?”
“For the thrill? Because you’re being bad? I don’t know. Whatever gets you off. Why does anybody masturbate?” She shrugs, but there’s a glint in her eyes. “Maybe the men in my life are unreliable.”
I pull my lips in. I’m learning more about my best friend’s sexual preferences—and possibly her relationship history—than I ever wanted to.
“Youcan wear it to work, if you know what I mean.” She raises an eyebrow suggestively.
“No.”
“Josh won’t mind.”
