“I’m just an assistant,” I say with an embarrassed smile.
Her expression doesn’t change. “Yes, I know. But how is that not busy or important?” She reaches out and squeezes my hand. “Always treat yourself with respect and kindness, my dear. If you don’t, nobody else will.”
Am I being unkind to myself?It isn’t something I’ve ever thought about.
Akiko goes on. “Women are told to be sweet, considerate and kind to others, but not to themselves. Quite often, we actually put ourselves last. Don’t do that.”
“But…wouldn’t that make me selfish?”
“No. You can’t expect others to love you if you don’t love yourself. You’re a beautiful person, Ailee. You deserve good things, but you have to believe it and say it out loud.”
I cock my head. “Say it. Out loud.”
“That’s right. If you don’t take that step, it stays as a fuzzy concept in your head. The spoken word has an amazing power to help clarify one’s thoughts and desires.”
I take a moment to process. I’ve never been encouraged to put myself first, or say what I want out loud. Suddenly, I realize that my family basically turned me into somebody who thought occupying the same space as them was a great honor.
Akiko smiles as though she can see the thoughts crossing my mind. “Your personal time is valuable. So you shouldn’t have toslave away in a kitchen to make things that take hours. Besides, Josh likes simple food. Tacos. Hamburgers. Roast chicken. Rosemary garlic roast chicken is a favorite. I made it every week when he was in high school, and he bolted it down like he was starving, although he quit eating like that once his growth spurt ended. He’s especially happy if it’s paired with roasted red-skin potatoes. If you want the recipes, I can send them to you. They’re so easy to make. Only takes ten minutes to prep, and an hour in the oven.”
“Thank you. Yes, I’d like that very much.”
We chat some more over the tea and parfaits. Akiko’s hilarious, and I find myself laughing a lot. When my belly’s full of chocolatey goodness, Akiko pulls out a discreet matte-finish paper bag in creamy peach. “This is for you.”
“Oh…”Shit! Were we supposed to bring gifts?“I didn’t bring anything.” I try not to squirm.
“Oh, don’t worry, you weren’t supposed to.”
This woman may be the effortlessly gracious person I’ve ever met. “What is it?”
“You can open it.”
I pull a box out and open the lid. Inside is a set of absolutely gorgeous pearls. They have an extraordinary lavender luster with little diamond accents to add glitter. “I’ve never seen this color before.”
“Do you like them? They’re from my family in Japan. We do love our pearls.” She smiles. “There’s an ethereal glow about these that reminds me of you. And I want you to have them.”
I gape at the necklace, bracelet and earrings, then raise my eyes to stare at her. “Thank you, but I couldn’t possibly—”
She pats my hand. “You’re Josh’s fiancée and soon-to-be wife, which makes you my daughter.”
My arguments die in my throat.But this isn’t a real engagement!I need to tell her the truth, but the possibility thatthe warmth in her face might cool freezes my tongue. “I…don’t know what to do with these,” I manage awkwardly.
“There’s nothing todo, really. Just wear them on special occasions. I think they’ll go very well with your pretty violet eyes.”
I flush at her sincerity. “You don’t think that Josh is too good for me?” I almost slap my own mouth shut.She told you to be kind to yourself!But old habits die hard.
She sits back and blinks. “Goodness, no! Why would I think such a horrible thought? I trust Josh’s judgment. He’s always been a smart and capable boy. He can be a bit aloof and inexpressive, but that’s to be expected.”
“Because of what happened to him when he was a child,” I murmur.
Surprise flickers in her dark eyes. “Yes. Did he tell you?”
I nod.
She gives me a long, curious stare. “Well. If he told you about that, then he trusts you. And you are most definitely worthy of him.”
“But…” I don’t finish the thought. I used to think nothing of repeating what my parents or Katt said about me—that I wasn’t worthy, that I was lazy, that I wasn’t even trying. But after spending time with Akiko, I don’t want to believe that anymore. “I feel like this is a dream, and I’m afraid to wake up.”
“Why would you believe something good must be a dream? Live in the present—it’s the manifestation of the way you’ve lived your life. You and Josh have been around each other for three years. You can tell a lot about a person over such a long time. I suspect you liked him.”
