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Her chest heaved as she took a deep breath and slowly let it back out. “I don’t know what I want you to do,” she said softly, briefly running her fingers down my side before they fell away. “I have no idea how I feel about any of this—about you. I don’t know if I want to kiss you or punch you in the teeth right now.”
Fair enough.
“I’m not—I don’t—” She gave another sharp inhale and let it out fast. “I’m not going to make any decisions right this second. I can’t. I’m sorry. I have to process everything you’ve told me and figure out how I feel. I can’t do that in a split second. That’s a lot of things you told me tonight.”
“I know.” I kept my voice low. “And if that takes an hour, or a week, or six months—that’s fine. Even if you only decide that we’re friends or just civil to each other. After everything I’ve done to hurt you, I don’t expect for a second that you’ll ever tell me that you love me again. Not because you want to hurt me, but because you deserve more than the way I’ve treated you.”
She shifted. Her gaze flicked out to the ocean before she brought it back to meet mine. “Well, for what it’s worth, you deserved more than the way I treated you when we broke up. I could have handled everything better, even if I’d only engaged my brain and thought things through.”
I smiled, but the way she said ‘deserved’ cut into me. I knew I didn’t deserve a damn thing, but I still had the hope that maybe she thought I wasn’t a total fucking asshole.
“At least we agree on something.” My lips twitched.
“That’s a start.” Hers did the same thing before they dropped. “I should go. I—I’m glad I came. I think. But I need to go.”
I nodded slowly. “I understand. And Rae, I meant what I said about you taking time. I’ve waited two years. I’ll wait for another two if that’s how long it takes you to decide where you stand.”
She picked up her shoes then wrapped her arms around her waist with a gentle bob of her head. “I mean—I just need to think, okay? I’m not saying I’ll never speak you to again, Chase, but I just can’t right now.”
“I get it.” I put my hands in my pockets and shrugged. “I do. But, if it helps, I’m happy to stand here and let you punch me in the teeth.”
She placed her hand over her mouth. Her shoulders shook the tiniest bit, and I knew she was doing everything she could to hide a laugh. After a moment, she straightened, but her lips were still twisted to the side in the tiniest curve.
I hoped that was a good thing for me. I could still make her laugh, even when she wanted to punch me in the teeth.
Now that was a special kind of skill.
“I’ll keep that offer open for now.” She let her mouth fully take the gentle smile and walked backward.
“Keeping me on my toes, eh?”
“You know it, Chase Aarons.” She spun on the balls of her feet, pausing only when I caught up with her. “What are you doing?”
“Making sure you get to your car without being ambushed by a serial killer.” I shot her a side look. “I know what you’re thinking.”
Even in the low light, I could see her blush and look down at the ground. “Yeah, well, you never know.”
“I think that’s the general idea of being a serial killer. It’d suck if your victim knew you were coming.”
She reached out and hit the back of her fingers against my arm right as her car came into view.
“Why’d you park so far away?”
“So the serial killers didn’t know where I was, obviously.” She turned and pulled her keys out of her pocket. The street lit up when she pressed the button. “Isn’t that your car right there?”
I looked in the direction she was pointing. “Yeah, and? Serial killers don’t just want hot young girls. I’m quite the catch for a rampant murderer.”
“You’re a catch for an impulsive one, never mind a rampant one.” She pulled the door open. “Thank you. For walking me to my car.”
“Anytime.” I tipped an imaginary hat. “Thank you. For tonight.”
“I wish I could offer the same sentiment.” Her smile was wry. “I’ll speak to you soon.”
I nodded and waited until she got into her car before walking to mine. She pulled away, and I followed her, detouring through town until I watched her park in her driveway.
I pulled up against the curb and watched her walk up to the front door. She stopped, her hand on the doorknob, and turned over her shoulder. The security light that had blinked on illuminated her face, and I saw the tiny smile that crossed her face as she looked at my car.
