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“No offense, Red, but you’re not gonna do that anytime soon.”
“Of course I’m not. My relationship with my mother is based upon mutual tolerance and a somewhat unhealthy love of peanuts. I can’t be both nutty and sweet, Adam.”
“I have no idea how to respond to that.”
“You do what all good boyfriends do. You smile and nod like you understand, then grab my ass.”
He smiled at me, nodded, then reached out and grabbed my ass. He smacked it, too.
He learned fast.
I nodded once. “Better. You’re learning.”
“I’m learning?”
“Yes. You’re learning. I like my boyfriends to be slightly possessive assholes so I can tell them off. That’s how I get my kicks.”
“I don’t know if you’re fucking with me now or not.”
“She fucks with everyone. That is how she gets her kicks,” my sister snapped, walking up to us. “Why aren’t you answering my texts?”
My eyes widened, and I immediately dropped my sunglasses.
“Why are you hiding your eyes?”
“Sun’s in them,” I lied.
“The sun is behind you.”
“It’s reflecting off your watch. Who are you? The sunglasses police?”
“Poppy! This is serious!” She dropped onto the sand in front of me. “Did she tell you that she changed my seating plan?”
I locked my phone and put it into the flimsy material that made up my preferred beach purse. It wasn’t expensive, but the lining prevented sand getting in it, and since my screen was a tiny bit cracked… It spoke for itself.
“She told me she was looking for the wedding planner,” I admitted wearily.
“You didn’t stop her?”
“Hey! I’m not a sumo wrestler. I told her you handled the seating plan personally and it was nothing to do with the planner, but she didn’t care.”
“Great.” Rosie ran a hand through her hair and dropped her head forehead. “Poppy, do you understand how much of a mess this is? She’s meddling in things she has no business meddling in!”
I wanted to quote Harry Potter, but I decided not to. I didn’t think it would go down well.
“I understand,” I replied. “But really, what can I do? Stop her from finding the wedding planner?”
“Yes!”
“I was eating my breakfast!”
“And food is more important than my wedding?”
“When I’m starving and have been made to wait for this guy to take a run and shower? Yeah. Sorry, Ro. Nothing is more important than food.”
Adam cleared his throat. “In my defense, I didn’t make you wait.”
“You shut up.” I pointed my finger in his face. “You’re on my side.”
My sister groaned and flipped her hair as she sat up. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”
“No, he’s my fake date. He can’t be on both our sides.”
“Poppy!”
“Rosie!”
“You have to do something about our mother!”
I stared at her for a second. “I can hire a hitman.”
Adam choked on the mouthful of water he’d just taken.
“I don’t want her dead,” Rosie said. “Just…sedated.”
“You could get her drunk,” Adam suggested.
Rosie’s eyes lit up.
“No!” I scrambled and sat up on my towel. “No. I’m not getting her drunk. No way in hell am I doing that.”
Rosie grabbed my hands and leaned forward. “Pleeeease, Pops. Please. I need her to go away for a few hours. She’s driving me crazy.”
I looked her dead in the eye and said, “You’re driving me crazy.”
“So? Get Mom drunk, then I’ll stop being crazy.”
“I witnessed your sweet sixteen. I should have known to be sick the weekend of your wedding.”
She pouted. “You’d never miss my wedding.”
“I don’t know. If this is the start of it and it’s going to carry on like this, I’m going to get food poisoning tonight.”
Rosie reached forward and grabbed my ear the way she used to when we were kids. Hard and tight and, kinda twisty. “You get food poisoning and I will finish you! I will bury you alive!”
“Ah! Ah! Ahhh! Get off my ear, you bitch!” I wrestled her hand off my ear and cupped it. “Fine. No food poisoning. I’ll be there. The devoted sister. I’ll sing your praises—”
“Please don’t actually sing.”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t want to break the windows.”
“You can’t be that bad,” Adam said.
“Ah,” Rosie sighed. “Spoken like a true fake boyfriend.”
He cough-laughed. “Careful. We’re trying very hard to keep the fake thing a secret. Don’t give it up.”
Rosie’s head swung side to side as she looked around. “There’s nobody around. Stop being so panicky. You’ll give up the ghost. Like the time Poppy tried to convince our parents the used condom in her room wasn’t her losing her virginity.”
Adam slid me an amused glance. His lips tugged to one side and one of his dark brows quirked. “That’s a story I haven’t heard.”
“Okay, first,” I said, holding a finger. “That is so not true. My virginity was disappointing. We’re talking ninety-seconds disappointing. I don’t even think I felt it. And the condom was not mine.” I finished by staring at Rosie.
