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I knew. I figured she just said it because she had to, but she was my best friend, too.
Mom was my only friend, other than Kennedy. She was always looking out for me, even when I knew she wasn’t. No matter what, Mom was always there for me.
“I love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too, Jax. Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“What would you think if you, Derek, and me got our own place?”
My eyes widened. “Without Dad there?”
She frowned and nodded her head. I saw tears fill her eyes. “Yeah. I think it would be good for us. I’m getting my landscaping business up and running soon, and you can be my righthand man to help me out. We can start a new life without your father. Of course, he’d always be in your life, Jax, but we’d just have our own place to stay.”
“You’re leaving Cole?”
I looked up to see Derek standing in the doorway with panic in his eyes.
Mom stood from the bed and walked over to him. “Derek, nothing has been decided yet and—”
“You can’t leave him! You can’t do this. I already lost a dad, and you can’t make me do it again. I’m not going. I’m staying here with Cole.”
“Calm down, Derek. Nothing has been deci—”
“It’s because of him, isn’t it?” he asked, gesturing toward me. “It’s because he’s a freak. I know that’s why you and Cole fight all the time.”
“Derek!” Mom hissed. “Don’t you dare speak about your brother like that!”
“Why not? You know it’s true. You treat him like he’s not a weirdo when he is. Cole’s right—he is a little bitch.”
Mom gripped Derek by the arm, not tightly, but firmly. “Apologize to your brother right now.”
“Why? I’m just telling the truth.”
“Derek,” she scolded, but he didn’t let up. Mom dropped her hold on his arm and pointed out the door. “Go to your bedroom, and don’t for a second think about going to football practice for the rest of the week. You’re grounded.”
“What? No way! We have a game on Friday, and if I’m not at practices, I can’t play.” He groaned as his face reddened in anger.
“You should have thought about that before speaking about your brother that way.”
“This fucking sucks,” he muttered, stomping away in irritation.
“Make that two weeks!” Mom hollered. Shortly after that, Derek’s bedroom door slammed shut.
Mom sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.
“He’s right,” I said. “It’s all because of me.”
Mom walked over to me, bent down so we were eye to eye, and placed her hands on my cheeks. “Jaxson Eli Kilter, none of this—and I mean none—has anything to do with you. Your father and your brother are wrong. You are perfect the way you are. Now get some rest.” She kissed my forehead and tucked me in. She walked away and was about to shut off the light, but I called out.
“Leave it on?” I asked, feeling stupid for still being afraid of the dark.
“Night light,” she said, gesturing toward the wall. “Remember? It’s never dark with your night light.”
I nodded slowly. “But keep the door open?” I asked.
“Will do, baby,” she promised. She shut off the light.
I tried my best to remember what Mom had told me, but it was hard. Dad hadn’t spoken to me in days, since I refused to shoot the deer. The last thing he’d called me was a pansy before he stopped talking to me.
Whenever I walked into a room, Dad walked out. Whenever I said hi, his mouth stayed shut. Whenever I did anything, he made me feel invisible.
Invisible.
I’m invisible.
25
Kennedy
Present day
“Do you want to go on an adventure today?” Jax asked as we lay in bed together. The night before when he’d come to my place, I could tell his energy was all over the place from visiting his father. He didn’t want to talk about it, though, so I didn’t push it. We kept things simple, and when we went to bed, he seemed calmer than he had when he’d arrived. I was thankful for that. I’d do anything to calm his troubled mind.
“I’m always down for an adventure,” I replied, shifting around in the bed. How had we gotten here so fast? One day, we were rebuilding a friendship, and the next he was lying shirtless in my bed. I guessed you could say our friendship had evolved over time.
I liked this version of us the most—the grown-up, imperfect version of our story.
“What did you have in mind?” I asked.
“I saw you had the hidden room at the library on your list of things to see. Now, to be clear, that seems to be an urban legend of the greatest extremes. I am ninety-nine percent sure it doesn’t exist.”
“I’m all about that one percent chance,” I said, rubbing my hands together.
“Then let’s do it. I’m going to go shower, then I have my coffee with Joy. There are a few job sites Connor and I have to tackle, but after that, I’m free. We can head over to the library around five this afternoon if you want?”
