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“I can’t leave you in case something goes wrong, in case the surgery doesn’t work, and, God forbid, in case you end up leaving me…so please, Aaliyah. Please? Please let me stay tonight, because the idea of walking away now burns my entire being. Please, Red…please…” He closed his eyes for a moment and when he reopened them tears began streaming down his cheeks. He pushed his tongue into his cheek as his body began to tremble. As his whole existence began to crumble right there before my eyes. “Please let me stay.”
He stood there completely broken. He showed me his hurts and laid them there to bleed in the open. I saw his fear, I saw his panic, but mostly I saw his love. Love didn’t only show its face during happiness. It didn’t skip by only during the sunshine. No. Sometimes—most of the time—love was a storm at war.
Love explored the world during the darkness. It crawled through pain, fought through combats, and hit rock bottom with a million battle scars. Love wasn’t only the rainbows. Love sparked in the lightning and screamed during the thunder. In that very moment, love rained down over Connor, and his love was being directed straight toward me. Raw. Unleashed. True.
I shifted around in my hospital bed and stared down at my hands.
I thought about it, too. If I didn’t make it out of the surgery. If the heart transplant didn’t work. If the sand of my life ran out. If I never saw him again. If our last exchange was one filled with me asking him to leave.
When all I ever wanted was for him to stay.
“Will you read?” I spoke softly, looking his way. “Will you read the comic book to me?”
He followed my glance to the side table where a stack of comic books sat that Damian had dropped off for me.
“Yes,” he said without a second of hesitation. “Can I pull my chair up close to you?”
“Yes,” I said without a second of hesitation.
I wanted him close.
I needed him close.
I missed his closeness.
He grabbed one of the comic books, and dragged a chair over to me. He began reading to me, and I fell asleep to his words. When I awakened during the night, I found his head resting against the edge of the bed as he slept. His hand was wrapped around something as he rested his arm in his lap. I reached down to unwrap whatever it was that he had in his grip, and my emotions overtook me as I stared down at a handful of quarters.
Before long, I fell back asleep. I was awakened again, this time by a nurse. Connor was no longer beside me, but the quarters rested against my lap. I glanced around the room and I was stunned when I woke up to my room being covered in Post-it Notes. They covered all the walls, and the railings of the bed. The television had them all over, leaving me floored.
I picked up one next to me, and I recognized Connor’s handwriting right away.
I wish for more time with Aaliyah.
I read another.
More time with Red.
I wish I could marry her.
I wish I could kiss her.
I wish for one more minute with her.
I wish for her healing.
There had to be hundreds of wishes he’d made, scattered around the room. Hundreds of tiny Post-Its with his words that went straight to my heart.
“Well, good morning, sunshine,” a nurse said, walking into the room. “I see you saw your love letters awaiting you. That boy showing up every day must really love you a lot.”
I shook my head. “No. Damian is just a friend.”
“Oh, no. I don’t mean him. I mean Connor. The guy who’s been sitting outside in the lobby every single day. The staff are calling him the modern-day Romeo. He said he knew you probably wouldn’t want to see him, but he’s waited outside the whole time. Then, when you’d fall asleep at night, he’d come in and quietly sit with you. Really sweet if you ask me.”
Her words stunned me. He’d been there every day? It had been over twenty-five days of me being in the hospital. How could he possibly wait that long without me giving him any signs that I’d give him another chance?
When it came time for me to be wheeled to surgery, the nurses told me that I had a crew waiting to wave me off down the hallway. As I turned to wave toward Damian, my damaged heart started beating faster as I looked down and saw the bluest of blue eyes staring back at me. He stayed.
Who knew that even broken hearts could still beat for love?
“I love you,” I mouthed, staring straight into his eyes. I had to say the words. I had to let him know that no matter what, I loved him. Because outside of all of the bullshit, outside of our human dramatics, I knew it to be true that he was the lights for me. He was the eastern lights that shone over me for a short period of time, in such a vibrant way reminding me that I wasn’t alone. He was the light that touched my darkness, and for that, he’d be awarded a forever kind of love.
