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My mother loved brunch, and hated peas—like me. She cried during commercials, and ate a salad with every meal. She couldn’t stand Brussels sprouts, and the way she loved? She probably loved so much it hurt her. She gave her love to people who didn’t deserve it. She was flawed—like all humans.
She had tight coils of hair dipped in black ink. Her laugh was infectious, the kind that made others chuckle just from the enjoyment of her sounds. She danced, too—poorly, like me, but oh, how her body swayed. And she was sad. Maybe sadder than most. Maybe more lonely, too.
I hugged her. I pulled her into me and held on tight. She held me back, and as she began to cry into my shoulder, I held her some more. I knew once I let go, we’d probably never speak again. I’d move on with my life, and she’d hopefully began to discover her own.
So, I held on a little longer because I wasn’t completely ready to let her go.
“Thank you, Aaliyah,” she whispered.
“You matter,” I softly said back. “You matter, Marie.”
I said the words I’d wished someone would’ve said to me when I was child. I said the words I’d craved when I was sitting in the realm of loneliness. I gave her the words that she was never able to give to me. Then, I let her go.
I walked back to the car where Connor hopped out and opened the door for me. He looked at me with concern in his eyes. The care he showed me made the cracked pieces of my soul begin to heal again.
He didn’t say a word, but he wrapped his arms around me as the snow fell overhead. He knew I needed the comfort, and he delivered it without question. When we arrived home, I still felt a bit emotional.
I hadn’t spoken to Connor about the conversation I held with Marie, and I didn’t think I had to share all of the details. Not yet at least. I needed to sit in them a bit on my own. But, I placed the song “At Your Best (You Are Loved)” on his living room speakers. The music filled the penthouse, and I stood up from the couch. I closed my eyes and began swaying back and forth alone.
Tears began to fall down my cheeks as I moved to the song. My emotions of the day began to catch up to me, and before I could crumble. Before the ache in my chest could grow too large to handle, Connor caught me. He pulled me into his arms, and began to slow dance with me. He didn’t ask questions, he simply swayed his body with mine.
He slow danced to a song that he didn’t even know the backstory to. I lay my head against his shoulder as the tears fell freely.
“Feel it all, Aaliyah, you are safe here,” he said, holding me close to his body. The song played on a loop, and we kept dancing throughout the night. His lips fell against my forehead and he whispered, “At your best, you are loved.”
He healed me by simply existing in my world. He was my person.
My lover.
My friend.
My family.
And at his best, he was loved.
Epilogue
Connor
One Year Later
She was nervous. I couldn’t blame her. It was a big day for her, and her anxiety was warranted. Hell, I was an emotional wreck. I couldn’t imagine how Aaliyah was feeling.
We sat inside of the conference room at Roe Real Estate, waiting for the group to arrive.
“Do you think this is stupid?” Aaliyah asked, holding a huge teddy bear in her arms. “Oh gosh, this is so stupid.”
“It’s perfect,” I told her for the fifty millionth time.
She rubbed her sweaty palms against my pants, and I didn’t mind it one bit.
“Hey, they’re here,” Damian said as he popped his head into the room. After he announced the arrival, a group of around thirteen people walked into the room. One wife, six adults, and six grandchildren.
For the longest time, Aaliyah went back and forth about meeting the donor’s family. She was terrified that they’d resent her, and be angry that she was able to live, while they loss their loved one, but after going through the lengthy process of writing one another through the donor program, which protected individual’s privacy, Aaliyah and the donor’s family decided they’d like to meet in person.
The donor’s name was William Brick, and he was loved.
The moment his family entered the room, there was nothing but an outpouring of appreciation.
William’s wife, Addie cried instantly, pulling Aaliyah into a hug, which made her cry, too. And hell, I started to tear up from the interaction. It didn’t take long for us all to be an emotional mess.
“Oh my goodness, you’re so young,” Addie said, placing her hands against Aaliyah’s cheeks. “This is good. This is so good.”
