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They’re all okay. Thank God they’re all okay.
When I tip my head forward again, the Cap only has one thing to say.
“After this is over, you and I are going to talk.”
I nod. “Looking forward to it, sir.”
Lauren
Everyone on Garrett’s ex’s block is out in their yard, comforting one another and trying to make sense of what just happened as I drive down the street.
It was scary, so I completely understand the impulse to find comfort in others.
For me, though, I’m just now realizing, it was scary enough—and the need to see Sarah and Hayden was urgent enough—that I didn’t even think about the fact that this will be the first time I meet Bethanny ever.
And I’ll be doing it without Garrett.
Sarah and Hayden and Bethanny are all in a huddle in their front yard too, but when I pull into the driveway, and Hayden notices it’s me, he breaks away from their group and heads toward me at a run.
I climb out of the car just in time for him to slam into me with a bone-jarring hug, and I return it with all my might.
“You guys okay?” I ask the top of his head, ruffling his hair while Bethanny looks at me sternly over the top of my car.
“Yeah, we’re good. Like, so much stuff is broken, but we’re good.”
I nod. I know the feeling.
“Good to hear, buddy.” I grab his shoulders and spin him around so I have room to shut my door. “Come on, let’s go talk to your mom and sister.”
Hayden takes my hand in his, and I have to suck my lips into my mouth to stop the sting of tears in my nose. Garrett may not be here. But his mini-me is. And he’s going to take care of me just like I’m going to take care of him.
Squaring my shoulders, I walk right to Sarah and Bethanny and stick out my hand. “Hi, Bethanny, I’m Lauren. I’m so sorry to be meeting you like this, but I’m so glad to see you’re okay.”
“Where’s Garrett?” she says in return, and Sarah’s eyebrows rise three-quarters of the way up her forehead.
Right. Okay. I trudge forward anyway.
“He’s at work.”
“Shocking,” she says with disdain, and for the first time since Garrett told me about her, I get a sense of the full level of betrayal she feels for the years she’s spent on her own.
And I don’t hate her for it. Shit, I understand, I really do. I just hope she’ll let me in enough to be able to be a support to everyone.
“I know,” I say simply. “But he’s out there helping people, and it’s really important.”
“It’s always important,” she says then, and I bite my lip and nod. “Better get used to that,” she adds.
“Mom,” Sarah finally snaps, and I reach out to touch her shoulder.
It’s okay. Really, it’s okay.
In a bold move I didn’t even know I had in me, I reach out and take Bethanny’s hand in my own. She resists a little at first—because hello, obviously, I’m crazy—but I push on.
“I can’t imagine how hard the last twenty years of your life have been. I’ve spent a lot of time on my own, but I still know it’s got to be hard as hell raising kids under these circumstances, and you’ve done such a great job.” She softens a teeny, tiny bit, so I chance finishing. She might hate me, but I have a feeling if that’s the case, it was going to be the case no matter what. “Anytime you need someone, help with something, you can call on me.”
She shakes her head slightly, mystified or really angry, I’m not sure which, so I get on with wrapping it up.
“Garrett asked that I come over here to check on you since he couldn’t himself, and I’m so glad I did. I’m sure you were so frightened, being here on your own.”
She nods then, finally, a tiny tear actually escaping the corner of her eye and melting down the surface of her face.
I shrug, reaching out to cup a wide-mouthed Sarah’s jaw. “I have to get to the hospital, see what I can do to help, but if you need me, Sarah’s got my number, and I hope you’ll use it.”
Bethanny gulps, and Sarah’s and Hayden’s smiles follow me all the way to my car.
I feel like a feather could knock me off my feet, I’m so close to coming right out of my body, but I don’t look back.
I don’t overthink it, and I don’t let myself fall into regret.
Just like Garrett said about telling my dad, I put all my chips on the table, and they’re gonna fall wherever they want.
But for the first time in my life, I’m not afraid to hope—to dare to believe I can have it all.
