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Denial. It’s a real thing. It’s a thing Shayne and I practice everyday as the seconds on the clock tick by, leading to her departure. The past week has been a frenzy of packing, getting things ready for her new job, and phone calls. Many phone calls.
Her company is putting her up in an apartment until she can find a place, and the pictures look great. But, meanwhile, Shayne and I refuse to have the talk. You know, the one that ends with goodbye.
I want to be with her. I want to try a long distance thing, but I have no idea what she’s thinking.
“I think I have everything,” Shayne says, placing the last of her things into her suitcase.
“What are we going to do?” I ask her, laying it all out. I’ve been dreading the question since she got the job.
She sits on the bed. “I want to be with you.”
I sit down next to her, taking her tiny hand in mine. “I want that more than anything. I can fly to come and see you.”
She cuts in, “And, I can fly to come and see you, too.”
“It’s just a few thousand miles. Not even that can keep us apart.” But, as I say the words a sense of dread washes over me, flooding my mind with all the ways this will never work out.
It’s time to take her to the airport and my heart pounds in my chest. “Ready?” I ask her.
“As I’ll ever be.” She gives me a small smile.
And, this is gutting me. Completely gutting me.
We’re silent the whole way to the airport. We’re silent as I park the car. And, we’re still silent as I walk her inside to security.
“Call me when you get in.”
She smiles. “I will. And, I’ll call you everyday after that.”
“And I’ll come see you in a few weeks.”
“I can’t wait.” She places her hands on my chest. “I’m nervous.”
“Don’t be. You’re going to knock ‘em dead at your job. Also, I’m not going anywhere.”
This appeases her and she kisses me. “Bye, Damien.”
And then, I watch her walk away.
17
Shayne
It’s been a few weeks and I have to say New York hasn’t swallowed me whole...yet. I miss Damien more than I’m willing myself to admit. Because, if I admit it, I might just break down and move back to Las Vegas in a rush.
I talk to him every night, but it isn’t the same. I wish it were, but I can hear the sadness in his voice from me not being there. It’s also hard because we’re on completely different schedules. Damien’s usually getting off work when I wake up for my job. When we do talk it’s only for a few minutes and usually one of us is exhausted from the time difference and wacky schedules.
“How’s the project you’re working on going?”
“Ugh, I hate this,” I say, staring at my closed office door.
“What? Is everything ok?” Damien’s on full alert and I’m grateful we’re talking on the phone and not video chatting so he can’t see just how frustrated I am.
“No, it has nothing to do with the project I’m working on.” It has everything to do with missing him.
“What is it, baby?” Damien’s voice sends shivers down my spine. I miss him so fucking much. I should be happy because I have the dream job. And, I don’t want to be that girl who leaves all of her dreams for a guy.
But the voice in my head whispers that Damien isn’t just a guy. He’s the guy.
“I just miss you so much.”
“I miss you too. But, I’ll be there tomorrow.”
There’s a knock at my door. “Hey, I have to go. I’ll talk to you tonight.”
He says his goodbye and I hang up the phone, turning in my chair to see Percy from accounting pop into my office.
“This project you sent in is all wrong.” He drops a folder on my desk.
I shuffle through the graphics, wondering how they could be wrong. They’re exactly what was asked of me. “Oh, what exactly is wrong?”
“The client doesn’t want red.” He shrugs.
I know the client specifically asked for red, but I smile anyway. “Ok sure, I’ll change these right away.”
Percy squares his shoulder. “Amelia’s already fixed everything.”
“Oh ok.”
Of course. Amelia’s the one person in this company who I swear wants me to fail. She is constantly undermining my work, redoing it to show the boss, and then congratulating herself on a job well done. I’ve been here only a few weeks, and already I do not get along with most of the staff.
But, I smile. Things will get better. New York is tough. And I’m a tough girl dammit. A really tough girl. I can work on deadlines. I can finish a job when a client asks for red but doesn’t want red. I can do this. I can leave behind the perfect guy, only to prove to myself I’m worthy of this job.
