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I want to be the man she deserves. I really do, but something is holding me back and I’m not sure what that something is.
Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m not programmed that way. Maybe I’ll forever be alone. Whatever the case may be, I still don’t think I’ll be able to let her go.
I picture Thad with his arm around her and I almost lose my cool. How am I supposed to be around this woman and not feel some sort of universal pull toward her. It’s like I’ve tripped into her orbit and now I’m stuck. Stuck feeling like I won’t ever be able to let this girl go.
A warmth spreads throughout my chest, aching because Monterey isn’t here. Have I lost her?
I picture back on our time together and realize I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life before. The thought of not always being around this woman guts me to the core. I do love her. But, now what?
I already told her I couldn’t be that guy.
“You about ready?” Mike calls in.
“Yeah.” My heart hammers inside my chest, knowing full well I need to tell Monterey I love her before it’s too late. Before some other schmuck is lucky enough to sweep her off her feet. No, I want to be the one to do that.
She’s mine, no one else’s.
I grab my helmet off the chair, knowing I need to win this race today and then prove to Monterey I’ll love her for the rest of my life.
I want to be with her forever, to build a future together.
“Danger, got a minute?” Mandarin stands close to the entrance to the speedway, and I rush over toward him.
I shake his hand. “Hey man, how are you?”
He places a hand over his side. “Still a little sore, but doctors are confident I’ll be able to return to racing next season.”
“That’s great news.” I hang my head in shame. “Listen, I want to apologize for that day. My head…”
He cuts in, his accent heavy and thick. “Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t your fault.” I want to interrupt, but I let him keep talking, “Our job is a rough one. Everyone thinks it’s easy to drive a car around a track. But, you have to remember that death is lurking just around the corner.” He smiles and nods over at someone standing behind me, and I turn my head to see who it is.
Lilah.
“Tell the people you love how much you love them, because you never know when your number’s up.”
Lilah moves closer to Mandarin and he wraps her into his arms. “Get out there and win this race,” she says.
I nod. “Sure thing.”
“Oh, and Danger,” Lilah says. “Monterey cares so much about you. I’ve never seen her this hung up on someone before.”
I shrug. “Well, it’s the same as with Thad, right?”
Lilah shakes her blonde head. “No, this is so much more. Monterey never loved Thad.”
Mandarin and her walk away and I say my goodbyes.
Love. That word again.
Does Monterey love me?
I guess there’s really only one way to find out.
Chapter 40
Monterey
I help my father into the VIP area, and then I take a seat. Normally I would go back to the garage and see Danger before the race, but not today. Not after the way we left things. Besides, I have a surprise waiting for him. And I hope it makes him happy.
The race is about to start, and before it does a hand touches my shoulder.
I glance up and it’s Rylee and her husband, Colton.
“I’m glad it all worked out” Rylee says to me.
“I am too.” Even though Danger knows nothing yet.
When I met with Ricky this morning I didn’t know what I was in for. I was sure I wouldn’t like what he had to say.
Little did I know how wrong I was. His story went National, reaching the whole country, causing the one person Dylan has been searching for to contact Ricky.
And he put her in touch with me.
Colton wraps an arm around his wife, and I smile, wishing I could have that with Danger. I’m a tad bit jealous of the couple, but I try to focus my attention back on the race.
Thad has already been a force to be reckoned with, telling the news stations to keep an eye out for him, and talking all the smack he loves to talk. How could I have ever been into a man like him? He’s not the figure I envision for myself. Not now. Not since I’ve met Danger.
My dress flaps in the wind as the race starts. There’s a nervousness in the air today, or maybe it’s just me. Either way, I’m feeling the full brunt of every emotion all wrapped into one. I’m not sure I can handle today, but I have to keep going. Keep moving forward.
