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“There are other banks.”
“Doesn’t matter if you’re upside down on your farm. Nobody’s going to lend it to you.” When I still didn’t take it, he added, “Pay me back someday, if it’d make you feel better.”
I stared at the check for a moment longer, weighing my options. A loan from a Patton was blasphemy. But a peace offering? Maybe we could work something out, if we covered our asses with legal paperwork. If I could get Jake on board.
It was the biggest if I’d ever put my money on.
Reluctantly, I took it, sliding it into my folder of paperwork. “The answer will likely still be no.”
“So what I’m hearing is that there’s a chance for a yes,” he said with a gentle smile.
“Hear whatever you want. Thank you for the offer. It’s … too generous.”
“It’s not enough, if you ask me.”
I wanted to believe him. I wanted to cash this check right here and now and go home to tell Jake I fixed everything—we could pay down our debts and replace any cattle we lost. Provided no more got sick. And the FDA allowed us to stay open.
“I really have to go,” I said, backing toward the door.
“I understand. Let me know if there’s a way I can help. Even if it’s my public humiliation for your boyfriend’s sake.”
A smile drifted across my face and away at the thought of Chase in tighty-whities, standing on Joe’s bar, singing Britney Spears. With a nod, I turned for the door again, and this time, I made it out without intrusion. Once in Pop’s truck, I tossed the folder onto the bench seat like it was an envelope dusted with anthrax.
The weight of decision fell heavy on me, and I bucked against it, anxious to escape.
There was no money for the farm with the exception of the check in my folder, and it’d come from the pocket of our enemy. As much as I wanted to believe Chase, as wonderful as it’d be for everyone to join hands and sing “Kumbaya,” we couldn’t be further from peace and happiness.
I tried to imagine what Jake would say. I tried to imagine what we would do with that money and without it. Sell off cattle? Downsize? Let our staff go?
My stomach turned, and panic rose.
The ride home was a blur. When I pulled up to the house, I snatched the folder and marched inside, tossing it onto Pop’s desk before heading upstairs to change. I pulled on my boots. Tied a bandana around my head. Opened the door and hustled for the red barn.
Nothing like a little manual labor to burn off your angst.
The barn smelled of hay and feed and the tang of animals. Motes of dust floated in light slicing in from the windows, and for a moment, I watched them dance. How nice it would be to just float lazily in the sunshine, carried around by whatever current grabbed you.
When I stopped by the animals’ pens to say hello, they greeted me with sounds of recognition. Or hunger. Maybe both.
I approached Alice last.
“Hello, and how are you?” I stroked her head. When we met eyes, she chuffed like a train. “Want a milking?”
I reached for the bucket and stool, but before I had them, Alice lay down. Her face was upturned, her eyes searching.
Frowning, I made my way back to her, kneeling to pet her. “What’s the matter, girl?”
Dread rose, bubbling up from my belly to my esophagus. Again, she chuffed and laid her head in my lap.
“Oh God,” I breathed, searching the hay for the only sign the cattle gave that they were ill.
I found it too quickly, the pinkish ring of hay that told me what I didn’t want to know. Then another.
No.
The twist in my chest hurt too badly to speak or breathe or think. I just sat there with Alice’s head in my lap, my mind a screen of static until something finally broke through.
Jake. Find Jake.
Before I had the chance to move Alice’s head, Jake’s voice sounded behind me.
“Where’d you go in your funeral dress just now—” He stopped.
Tears nipped my eyes, my vision blurring when I met his gaze.
“No. Not Alice.”
I nodded.
“Jesus,” he said, rushing to kneel at my side, somehow managing to hold me with a heifer’s head in my lap.
“How did she get sick?” I asked around hitching sobs. “She’s not even with the herds.”
“I don’t know.”
“It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense.” Fear and hysteria gripped me, pinching my lungs until my fingertips tingled.
“It will. I’m going to find out what’s going on. I promise.”
“You can’t promise that. And what happens if we don’t? What if we never find out?” I pulled back to look at him, falling to pieces without anyone to catch me. “It got to the red barn, Jake! Alice hasn’t been anywhere near the sick cows, and look! Look at her!” Both of us did. “What if all the cattle get sick? What if we lose everything we have?”
