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My stomach churns, acidic. I don’t want to see Jay like this. Remorseful. Confused.
“He said, he’ll see me tomorrow,” I say quietly.
Jay closes his eyes. “This is going to be harder than I thought.”
“You thought going to Hell would be a piece of cake? You were the one scaring the pants off me earlier telling me what to expect.”
He tips his head down to look at me. “My god, it’s been impossible not to touch you tonight.” He steps forward and runs his fingers down my cheekbone.
I immediately surrender to his touch. Powerless. Completely aware that I’m nothing but clay his hands, surrendering to his whim, and being completely okay with it. Old Ada would kill me.
His fingers slip down my cheek. Gently trace my jaw. Back and forth. So soft. His hands trail down my neck. He grips me there, gently, like he’s ready to strangle me, his thumb against my windpipe, his fingers holding the back of my neck. He does this sometimes before he kisses me and my eyes start fluttering in anticipation.
“Sometimes I look at you and I wonder,” he says, his voice taking on a strange quality, like it’s being filtered, muffled, “what power your blood could bring.”
It’s not what he says at the end there that makes my blood run cold.
And it’s not the Irish accent that he says it in.
It’s that when I look at his eyes, I don’t see Jay anymore.
I see someone else entirely.
Stare into the abyss and the abyss stares right back.
Silas Black.
“Ada!”
Perry’s shrill voice slices through the mounting horror.
I immediately pull back from Jay, as if we’ve been caught doing something, but the fact is I’m afraid, my gut feeling like it’s coated in black tar. I refuse to look at him, too afraid to still see Silas there, and run over to her.
“What happened? You sick?” she asks, looking between me and Jay.
But the last thing I want is for her to suspect him even more.
“Yeah,” I tell her and I’m amazed I’m able to fake a bored voice. “I don’t know what was in that pasta but it did not agree with me. Thought I was going to puke everywhere.”
Perry stares over my shoulder at Jay. “Are you all right?” she asks and at that I turn around to look.
Jay is staring into space, blinking, his chest heaving like he’s been running for miles. Finally he realizes we’re staring at him, his head swiveling in our direction.
“Jay?” I say loudly.
His eyes snap to mine, widen. Then he swallows, bites his lip. Runs his hand through his hair. Beyond agitated. “I’m fine,” he croaks.
I know Perry’s looking at this situation like we were just having a lover’s spat but she couldn’t be further from the truth.
“Jay,” she says, waving him over. “Why don’t you go back inside? I’d like a word with my sister.”
Jay nods and strides past us, doesn’t even look in my direction once. When he’s gone around the corner I feel the connection between us sever, for better or for worse.
Perry turns to me. “Okay, spill. Tell me everything. Now.”
“What?”
“Don’t play dumb. Do you want me in your head or not?”
“You said it didn’t work that way!”
She smirks. “We evolve.”
I push at her forehead. “I’ll let you in if you just stay out.”
“Then tell me what the hell is happening! Are you sleeping with him?”
Point blank. Wouldn’t have expected any less from her.
And there’s no point lying.
“Yes.”
“Ada!” she shrieks, smacking my arm hard. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I rub at my arm, frowning at her. “Don’t judge me or I’ll judge you.”
“Judge me for what?”
“I dunno, sleeping with Dex when he had a girlfriend?”
Ah, the look of death. I used to shrink from it. Not anymore. “That was different.”
“How was that okay and this isn’t?”
“Ada,” she practically yells. I know she’s trying not to smack me upside the head. “Oh my god. Are you hearing yourself? How is it okay? Um, gee, for one thing he’s not even a fucking human.”
“He was a human,” I eke out, remembering his words, his look, when he became someone else. “His body is human.”
“Do you hear your justification right now? I mean, seriously. Do you? Look, you can’t sleep with your Jacob. How in the hell could that ever turn out okay? He’s fucking immortal!”
I’m starting to feel small. Very small. Very young. Very over my head.
And I can’t explain it except in the lamest ways possible.
I feel fated for him.
We’re meant for each other.
I was blind and now I see.
But I don’t know what I see now.
“You don’t understand,” is all I can muster.
She sighs, turning her back to me, as if drawing strength from the street. When she turns back, her face has softened. “I know you’re going through a tough time right now. I know that. And I know he’s there to help you. But you have to understand that this can never end well. You know that, don’t you? And if you don’t . . . you need to talk to Rose.”
