Like we were already lovers and so he spoke to me like a lover would.
Not a friend. Not a boss. Just my whole world. Which might have been humiliating if I didn’t know that I was his whole world too.
“This is probably a bad idea,” I said lamely, instead of answering him.
“Not probably. It’s a horrible idea. But I don’t think either of us can walk away from it at this point. It’s always been there. Hasn’t it?”
From the first time I saw him. Even though he didn’t really know when that was.
“Yes,” I agreed. “But I’ve done an excellent job of ignoring it, so I should get points for that.”
“Will I be your first?”
“No,” I admitted. “There was a boy at the home.”
“Was it consensual?”
I nodded. “But it was sort of awful and didn’t take very long. I guess I just didn’t see the point. There was always something bigger to worry about.”
“It’s the man’s responsibility to make you see the point,” he nudged my shoulder with his. “Are you scared?”
“Totally,” I said.
“I’ll make it good for you. You have to trust me on that, Flowers.”
“Oh, I’m not scared of the sex part, it’s everything that comes after.”
He didn’t say anything to that, which confirmed my fears.
“Will I be your first? Since Allison?”
I lifted my head from his shoulder so I could see his face and watched as he slowly nodded.
“You still remember how to do it though, right? Because I have to say, I’m probably going to need a little coaching.”
He turned to me and it felt like his eyes pierced my heart. Along with all the other parts of me.
Yeah, I thought. He still remembers how to do it.
“Let’s go to bed, Flowers.”
“Okay.”
In the end, it was just that simple. And, of course, not simple at all.
E.G. led me by the hand into my bedroom. The light next to my bed was on and he walked over to it with a purpose.
“On or off?” he asked.
Oh. Right. We could do this in the dark. That might be easier. Not to have to actually see everything. Although…
“Isn’t that part of the fun? Seeing all the stuff after all this time?”
He grimaced, but he left the light on. “Are you going to remind me every second what an innocent you are, Flowers?”
I shrugged. “Maybe? Are you going to call me Flowers the whole time?”
He cupped my cheek in his hand. His eyes locked on mine. I couldn’t look away. I didn’t ever want to look away.
