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I laughed. There wasn’t much else I could do. “Cook for me, woman,” I said.
Ashley winked at me but went back to slicing the garlic. Her hand moved so rapidly but not once did she take off her fingers. I couldn’t tear my gaze away. She was so expert.
Once she’d finished with all the garlic, she grabbed another pan. This was magic in the kitchen.
She poured enough olive oil in the pan to coat the bottom, probably more than I ever would use normally. This was what made her food so good. She wasn’t afraid of the ingredients.
Before putting the oil on the heat, she added in all the garlic, then put the heat on low. The water for the pasta had come to a boil.
Again, so much salt, it made me wonder if she was trying to turn me into a fish. After that, she moved back to her pot with the garlic. Lots of black pepper was added, and she quickly rushed to the cupboard to grab another spice.
I didn’t see what this one was.
There was a time I’d catch her talking to herself, or pretending there was a camera watching her. This was how I knew her dream. When she didn’t think I was around, she’d still do it, and it made me sad to think of everything she’d lost.
Before I knew what was happening, she’d drained the pasta, poured it into the other pot. More work was happening but her back was to me.
Within a matter of minutes, with plates piled high, we moved to our sofa, sat down with the food and forks, and ate.
“I had hoped tonight would be wonderful for you,” she said.
“It was. There was nothing you could do.”
She sighed. “Doesn’t help, though, does it? It drives me crazy that after all this time, all it takes is one appearance from a guy, and we’re panicking.”
I took a bite of my pasta and closed my eyes. “This is really good.”
“This is your way of avoiding the subject.”
“This is my way of dealing.”
Ashely moved so she faced me. “Okay, you now have my full attention. I’m right here. Tell me what you want to tell me. I know there’s something on your mind.”
I kept facing forward. There was nothing to discuss, not really.
“Em, I know you. We’ve done this so often. Don’t try to fool me.”
“It’s nothing.”
“I mean it.”
“Okay, fine.” I turned to look at her. “I’m curious, okay. We all know they were a pain in the ass when we were in high school, but now, aren’t you a little curious?” I asked.
“As to how bad they got?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t know. I do try to not think about everything that happened back then. I always felt it was easier.”
I groaned. “You’re right. So totally right.”
“It doesn’t make me right, Em. You know that. They were yours. All four of them.” She frowned. “It still seems weird to think of four guys belonging to you. I know this wasn’t easy for them, but they gave you up because they loved you.”
“Yeah, right.” I snorted. “They got what they wanted and passed me up.”
“You told me everything that happened. There’s four of them and you slept with two. Working on your theory, they all had to have been with you, to pass you up.”
I sighed. “That’s not helping.”
“They did this to protect you. I don’t think that’s anything to be afraid of.”
“What if they’re here?”
“In London?”
“Yeah.”
“Not possible.” Ashley slurped up some of her pasta.
“Why?”
“If they had been here, you’d have known about it. They wouldn’t have been able to stay away from you. If they ever come to London, you’ll be the first person to know about it.” She winked at me. “I remember the way they all looked at you. It was like you were the sunshine and they gravitated toward you. One day, I hope someone looks at me like that, but I doubt I will ever allow myself to fall in love with someone.”
This made me pause as I watched her. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why won’t you give love a chance?”
“Come on, Em. Think about it. I can never allow myself to fall in love with a guy.”
“And again, I’m wondering why the hell not.” I wasn’t being stupid.
“You’re being stubborn.”
“Hello, I’m not the one who’s thinking of never being with a guy.”
Ashely put her food down. It was only half eaten. She held her hand up. “First, you don’t even look at men. You turn down dates when you have no reason to. Second, if you love someone with all of your heart and soul, then you’ve got to be honest with them. The person I fall in love with, I already have to lie to them, Em. I’m not me. The me that I am is with you. Everything else, it’s all a lie.”
