Page 120 of Whispers of Ink and Starlight

Nelle knows the world.

She knows heartbreak. Joy. Guilt.

And she knows she shouldn’t watch, but sometimes—like tonight, Valentine’s Day, when the moon is pale and the city is alive and James is cozied up on the couch next to some woman, passing popcorn with their friends, bathed in the blue-and-white light of whatever movie they are watching—part of Nelle feels likesheshould be there with him.

But she knows that she can’t.Not yet.

For now, she stays on the rooftop across the street, bathed in artificial light.

Tomorrow Nelle will go back to Montana, to Penelope, where she can see the stars, both in the sky and on the screen. They bought a ranch out there, miles from anyone else, a self-imposed isolation. When Nelle isn’t riding her palomino or painting in the forest, she and Penelope binge-watch films.

Butthisviewing is the most addictive film she has found. She shouldn’t watch, but she can’t resist. A Valentine’s Day present to herself:An Illegal Glimpse into My Ex-Lover’s Window. This is only the second time she has seen it, though it has only been a month since she left.

She doesn’t feel bad for her voyeurism. It’s almost natural, given that James and Jessie got a fourth-floor walk-up with a fishbowl window. Given that he still has a pen with her ink, and she is scared he will use it one day. Given that she still loves him.

But James is safe if she’s in Montana, where she is only a danger to Penelope, her horse, and her cats. That is why she looks through his window. Not to torture herself over the life she can’t have, but to reaffirm herself of the life she requires.

Peace. Quiet. Time to breathe, to sort her thoughts, to ride at breakneck speed in a saddle.

Striding down the sidewalk, Nelle feels beneath her scarf for the engraved rose on that gold locket. Cold reminder of all she has abandoned here. She clicks the locket open, dreaming of the day when two taunting black ovals don’t stare back at her.