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“I added a chopped apple from our tree. It makes it crunchy and adds some sweetness—at least that’s what Miss Beecher says.”
“Who’s Miss Beecher?”
Leah laughed softly. “Miss Beecher is our cook. Have you not noticed? Miss Beecher and I are becoming good friends.”
Thad shifted in his chair, crossed and recrossed his legs, and drew patterns on his plate with his fork. The connection in his mind between the wheat field and Leah was still fuzzy, but it was growing clearer. One thing he knew for sure—he was damn scared.
“What is troubling you, Thad? You are as jumpy as Teddy’s colt.”
He couldn’t answer because he wasn’t sure. Or maybe he was sure, but he didn’t know how to say it.
“I—I’m trying to work up the nerve to tell you something.”
She looked at him with wariness in her eyes. “Why do you not just say whatever it is? As soon as possible, please. When you get that look on your face, I cannot stand not knowing what you are thinking.”
He could tell from her voice that she was trying hard to smile. Thank the saints for that. His wife was not nervous and high-strung like Linda-Lou Ness. Leah might be upset, but she was not a weeper.
“Leah, there’s something I want you to know.”
“Oh?” She sounded maddeningly calm.
“Yesterday you said, well, that our marriage didn’t seem to matter to me. I need to tell you that it does matter to me. you matter to me.”
She was no longer trying to smile. “Yet you have withdrawn from me.”
He groaned. “I wish I could lie to you and say that’s not true, but I can’t. Yeah, I guess I have, um, withdrawn.”
He edged his chair close to hers and laid his hand on her arm. “Leah. Leah, I swear our marriage is important to me. It’s the most important thing in my life, you and Teddy.”
Leah laid down her fork, folded her hands in her lap and closed her eyes. “But it does not feel so to me.”
A pent-up breath exploded from his lungs. “I love you, dammit. I’ve loved you ever since you stepped off the train.”
Her mouth trembled. “Thad, six months ago I believed that you cared for me. Now I see a man who sleeps apart from me and does not want to be close.”
“Oh, hell, Leah, you know I care about you.”
“Ah. Do I? It feels to me as if you do not. It is hard for me to say this, Thad, but there is something you need to know, as well.”
A cold hand reached in and pinched his vitals. “Yeah? What’s that?” His throat was so tight he could scarcely get the words out.
She twisted to look into his eyes. “I love you, Thad. I will always love you. And,” she continued, her voice still mild, almost detached, “there is something you need to know.”
She halted, drew in a long breath and went on. “I cannot go on this way. It is tearing me apart inside.”
Jumping jacks! He saw it clearly now; the wall he’d constructed to avoid pain was causing exactly what he feared. He was losing Leah.
Right then he knew the thing that had niggled at him all along: protecting himself from loving Leah all these weeks had come full circle. He’d hurt her. Hell, it had driven her away. Only now did he see the cost.
She reached up and smoothed her fingers over his whiskery cheek. “I know you did not mean to hurt me. But…”
“But I have hurt you.”
“Yes.”
“Dammit, Leah, I wouldn’t knowingly cause you pain, but—” He broke off and dragged his hands through his hair. “Oh, hell, I can’t believe what I’ve done.”
He shot to his feet and began pacing back and forth in front of her. Suddenly he stopped and bent over her. “I do love you, Leah. And…”
He hesitated so long she repeated the word. “And?”
“And I want to kiss you, but I’m not sure I have the right anymore.” He grasped her shoulders and drew her up to him. “Do I have the right?” he whispered.
She did not answer. Instead, she rested her hands on his chest, looked into his eyes for a long moment and lifted her face. With a groan, he caught her mouth with his.
She tasted of apples and salt, and her cheeks and her eyelids were wet with tears. A surge of hunger roared through him. It had been so long, so damn long. He couldn’t get enough of her.
He tightened his arms around her small, soft frame and held on like a drowning man. “Please,” he murmured. “Please, Leah, for God’s sake, stay with me.”
In answer she reached around his neck and pulled his face down to hers. “I brought a lemon cake from Uncle Charlie for our dessert.”
Then she pressed her mouth against Thad’s chin, his cheek, his closed eyelids, and finally, with a tiny moan, she reached his mouth. Thad lost himself in the feel of her skin, the scent of her hair, the welcoming softness of her lips, and then he heard the upstairs window slide up, followed by Teddy’s piping voice.
