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“Look at me,” he yelled. “Look at me, Bella. What happened killed the man you loved. All that’s left is this. The man you see now. The name I carry now. Anything else is not possible.”
“No!” She pulled away from him, stumbled to her feet, and shook with the rage pounding through her. “The name might be dead, but you are not dead. You weren’t just a SEAL,” she cried. “You weren’t just a friend, or just a son or a grandson or brother. You weren’t just a warrior.” She clenched her fists, pressed them to her stomach as the agony welled through every cell of her body. “You are my husband. My lover. And you hid that from me, Noah. I had the dark passion you hid from me while we were married, and I saw the ferocity of the man who would protect me in those mountains. It doesn’t matter if your name is Nathan, Noah, or Hey Fucking You, you are my lover. My soul. My heart. And by God, you are not dead. Because if you were.” Her lips trembled. “If you were, then I’d be dead. Don’t you know that? Don’t you see that? If the man that loved me was gone, then I’d be ashes now. Not standing here screaming at a moron with more pride than good sense.”
Noah felt his heart unclench. He felt something dark, something nearly rabid in his soul, finally shudder as it eased. He rose slowly to his feet and stared back at his wife, seeing all that strength. Seeing the woman who had always watched him with what he knew now was a touch of amusement. Because she had known, he had no idea that she was so much more than he realized. But she had always known him. Had always sensed the darkness. Had always sensed the pride that he had in overabundance.
“You always knew,” he said then. “Didn’t you?”
“I always knew you,” she cried angrily, swiping the tears from her face and staring at him scathingly. “Big tough SEAL. You would walk into this house as though nothing existed in it until you entered the door. Lord of your domain. The big warrior who could fix everything.” She sniffed. “How often did you have to fix anything?”
He never had. Sometimes, he swore she had to think of things to do, and he had accused her more than once of hiring people to fix things he was certain should have needed fixing.
“Bella.” He shook his head. “You were always my soul.”
“Except for eighteen months.” She sneered. “Where were you?”
“Recovering. Retraining.”
“Alone.” Her finger poked into his chest, dug in. “Without me.”
Without her.
God, his hands were shaking. He was staring into her face and he wasn’t looking at a woman willing to forgive and forget.
Noah swallowed tightly. Had he waited too long? Christ, no. He couldn’t consider that. He hadn’t waited too long. Made mistakes, yes. She would forgive mistakes. She would have to.
“I love you, Bella,” he whispered.
The look she gave him caused him to wince. Feminine fury, disbelief, and intolerance. Fuck.
“Why?” she snapped. “Why did you wait?”
“Because I was a mess,” he said simply. “A hard-on-packing, ignorant fool too fucking scared to have his wife see him weak,” he snarled. “Is that so fucking hard for you understand?”
“Weak, my ass,” she yelled back. “You were probably a son of a bitch railing and growling at everyone and everything in sight.”
His lips almost twitched and he should have been raging now.
“You think I wanted to rage at you?” he bit out instead.
“It was my right.” She was back in his face. “Do you hear me, Noah? My fucking right to put up with it. And to do it gladly. You bastard!” He caught her fist, stared at it. His eyes narrowed.
“Sabella, you’re not allowed to hit,” he reminded her carefully, staring into her bruised little face, her thunderous gaze.
God, he loved her. Wanted to go to his knees and thank God for her.
“Are you staying?” Her chin lifted. “If not, get the hell out now.”
“Yes!” They were nose to nose now, anger flipping and flaring around them rather than contained as it had always been in their marriage. “By God, you’re not getting rid of me.”
Nose to nose. He’d never gone nose to nose with her. He had brooded, hid in the basement. But maybe he liked this better. Because the arousal was suddenly bursting, burning, whipping through him like the storm raging in her eyes.
“Did I say I wanted to be rid of you?” Hoarse, furious, her voice caressed his senses as nothing else ever had.
“It wouldn’t do you any damned good if you did,” he bit out. “But Malone stays dead, Bella. It’s Blake. Period.”
Her eyes narrowed. “The team you’re a part of? Is that why?”
“We’ll talk why later.” He gripped her arms, jerked her to him. “This is us, Bella. Me and you. He stays dead. Do you hear me?”
