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“I never claimed to be anything less.” His eyes held her. They were cool, but there was a glimmer in the dark reaches, something that assured some primal sense she had that she was poking at a very dangerous creature.
Unfortunately, caution wasn’t something she was in the mood for today.
He wanted her out of his life. That knowledge burned like a ragged flame inside her, searing her emotions. He thought she was too weak, that she couldn’t see this operation out. That she couldn’t participate in any way in her own protection.
“No, you didn’t claim to be anything less,” she agreed, hating the shaking of her voice, the tremor that rushed through her body. “And I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything less, either, should I?”
She should have remembered, she told herself. She should have remembered he was an agent, not a lover. And he was a man. A man didn’t have to feel anything to take a woman to his bed; all he needed was enough attraction to attain a hard-on.
God, she was so stupid.
She pushed her hands through her hair and fought back the bitter laugh that would have left her lips.
“You’re making this into something it’s not,” he finally stated, his voice harsher now. “I want you safe; it’s that simple. Orion wouldn’t guess that you were at a safe house. The spy he killed in Russia was different. He would have expected someone to be watching for him. Everyone knew there was more than one contract out on the spy’s head. He was a dirty bastard that pissed off too many people. Orion wouldn’t expect your lover to send you to a safe house, Risa.”
“No kidding.” The bitterness showed then. It filled her voice and colored the anger surging through her. “He wouldn’t have been alone.”
“You’re missing the point.” His voice sharpened.
“I’m not a moron, Micah,” she almost yelled back at him. “I know exactly what you meant. The fact of the matter is, you don’t know what he knows at this point. He could very well be aware that this is an operation against him and expect me to disappear at any moment. We’ve been at this for over a week. You and Jordan both have assured me Orion would attempt to breach the apartment first. Well, he didn’t. He nearly took me, in public, and almost killed you. Evidently you don’t know him nearly as well as you think you do.”
Her voice rose as anger and hurt clashed inside her, fueling emotions she had always shied away from simply because she didn’t know how to handle them.
And he accused her of hiding? Accused her of fighting her memories and her needs so she could hide instead? As though nothing mattered to her but hiding. Damn him. There was a difference between hiding and healing. A difference between controlling herself and letting others control her.
“We’re letting this get out of hand, Risa.” His observation, carried out in that cool, distinct voice of his, had the power to trigger an explosion of almost overwhelming rage.
“You let this get out of hand.” Her voice shook with the accusation. “You lied to me from the start. You manipulated me and now that things are getting too sticky, you’re ready to opt out. Well, opt out, Micah.” She threw her hand toward the door as her voice rose again. “Why don’t you just go tell Jordan you’re better at observation than you are at participation in this little mission? Maybe he can find another volunteer to screw me over.”
He moved before she could anticipate his next action. He crossed the room, pushing her against the wall as his larger, harder body trapped her there.
And he was aroused. His erection pressed into her lower stomach, reminding her of the lover he had been, and the lies he had told even as he held her in the most intimate of embraces.
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” he rasped, his hands catching her wrists as she tried to push against him and holding them against the wall. “Don’t push me, Risa. I’m not the man you want me to be. I’m not gentle. I can’t give you a future. And that’s what you want.”
And she hadn’t even realized it until he told her he couldn’t give it to her.
She wanted to curl into herself with the pain and the humiliation that he had seen something she hadn’t realized herself.
“Let me go.” She forced her voice not to tremble. Forced herself not feel.
She knew how to do that. She had learned at Jansen Clay’s knees when she had been a child begging for a father’s love. He hadn’t had it to give, and neither did Micah. That wasn’t his fault, she reminded herself. She couldn’t make him love her, couldn’t make him want to try to love her.
“Risa, we’re going to settle this, now,” he warned her. “You’re hurt, and I understand why. This was the reason I wanted you in a safe house, away from me. I don’t want to hurt you, baby. I don’t.”
He was sincere. She could see it in his expression, in his eyes. And it made it hurt all the more.
“You haven’t hurt me.” She tugged at her wrists until he released her, then pushed against his body, forcing herself away from the warmth and the feeling of security that being close to him brought her.
He wasn’t security, she told herself. His ability to catch Orion was all she needed. She didn’t need a man to secure her life. For some reason, though, it had taken Micah to make her need one to secure her emotions.
“Jordan’s options sounded much better to me than the idea of a safe house,” she stated as she moved away from Micah. “At least this way, we know which target he’s after and I have the entire attention of the team you’re using. The safe house doesn’t feel secure.”
Micah didn’t speak; he watched her. She could feel his gaze on her back as she moved back to the desk and the work that no longer interested her.
“His idea of public outings also seems the wisest course of action,” she continued as she sat down in her chair and blinked back her tears as she focused on the accounting software pulled up on the monitor.
Control, she reminded herself. Releasing her emotions had never done anything but humiliate her.
