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“Of course,” Julien said, and Priest added, “You never have to ask.”
Priest went back to pack up Julien’s uneaten food and pick up the brown paper bag. Knowing Robbie would likely feel more comfortable with Julien right now, Priest suggested, “Why don’t you two head home together in the SUV and I’ll follow behind?”
Julien nodded and put a hand to Robbie’s back. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah,” Robbie said, and huddled into Julien’s side.
As they walked to the elevator, Robbie stayed quiet as they got inside, and when the doors closed and the three of them moved to the back, Priest stood on the other side of Robbie and was shocked when he reached out and took his hand. Priest looked over to see Robbie’s head resting on Julien’s shoulder, and found that both of them had their eyes shut.
They seemed truly relaxed in that moment, and Priest couldn’t help but wish that they had been on the top floor of the hospital, just so he could prolong their peace for what little time the trip to the parking basement would provide them.
AS JULIEN PULLED the Range Rover into their parking spot back at the condo, the day’s events and where they had been started to catch up with him. He noticed his hands shaking as he removed them from the steering wheel, and he quickly balled them into fists and put them in his lap. He glanced over at Robbie, who’d been staring off out the window, and said, “Are you ready to head up?”
Robbie glanced at him and nodded, and Julien forced a smile on his face as the both of them opened their doors and got out. As Julien shut his behind himself, he saw Priest pull his Aston Martin into his parking spot and waited for him to get out of the car. Once he was standing in front of Julien, Priest looked down at the fists by Julien’s side, and Julien knew that Priest spotted the tension immediately.
“Okay, let’s get upstairs,” Priest said, and when he placed a hand on Julien’s back, Julien welcomed the silent show of support and followed Priest’s lead across the lot. Robbie was walking quietly beside them, off in his own head for the moment, no doubt thinking about the day’s events, and when they reached the elevator and all stepped inside, the doors closed and the ride up was a silent one, but not an uncomfortable one.
Julien shut his eyes and listened to the whir of the elevator, and thought it was a miracle that no one asked about the loud thumping sound. Or maybe he was the only one who could hear that rapidly increasing beat of his heart with every minute that passed.
Don’t pass out, he told himself as the walls of the elevator started to close in on him. Breathe, and don’t think about—
“We’re here,” Priest said, as the doors opened and Robbie stepped out.
Julien glanced up at Priest, whose face looked pinched. He was worried and knew exactly what was happening to Julien, but he was trying to play it cool, get them all inside, and not alarm Robbie.
As they headed down the hall, Julien thought, Get inside. Get inside and get some water and for fuck’s sake breathe. As they finally got the door open, he heard Priest suggesting that Robbie use the spare room for privacy if he wanted to call his mother to give her the latest updates, but everything faded from view as Julien grabbed at his chest and clutched a handful of the sweater there, feeling as though his heart was about to up and stop on him at any moment.
“Julien,” Priest said, as he rushed around the island to where Julien had braced his hands on the counter to keep himself upright. He hung his head down and tried to focus on the granite of the island as all the patterns swirled in on themselves and started to make his head feel worse.
In and out. In and out, he told himself again, but his pulse was racing and he could feel beads of sweat popping on his brow as his anxiety enveloped him and threatened to swallow him whole.
A faucet was turned on somewhere in his periphery, and then a cold, wet dishtowel was placed over the back of his neck, and as Priest’s voice penetrated the ringing in his ears, Julien told himself to keep his shit together. Not now. Don’t you dare fucking lose it now.
“Julien,” Priest said again, and this time Julien looked up into his husband’s eyes and saw the concern there, the worry.
Julien wound his arms around Priest’s waist, and as his warmth enveloped him, Julien laid his head against Priest’s chest and let the sound of his heart soothe him. It was steady, not out of control like his, as it thump thump thumped beneath his cheek and ear.
