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When Robbie nodded, Julien shut his eyes and allowed last night to find him. The moment when he’d finally told Robbie what had happened. It all flooded back, painful and real, and as Julien let it back in, he remembered Robbie’s arm around his shoulder. Robbie pulling him into his side. Him laying his head on Robbie’s lap. And Robbie’s fingers in his hair.
Listening. Soothing. Healing him as he lay there—completely and utterly destroyed. Robbie was right, and so was Priest—this cycle needed to end.
“Happy,” Julien finally said, and when his voice cracked, he cleared it and tried again. “She’d want to be remembered as being happy. That’s what she was, all the time. Smiling. Laughing. Heureuse.”
Robbie grinned, and it was so bright, so contagious, that Julien felt himself smile right back.
“What made her the happiest?” Robbie asked, and when Julien shook his head, Robbie nodded. “Please, tell me. If she was here and could spend the day with you, what do you think she would want to do? What would make her smile?”
“Cooking,” Julien said, the word rolling off his tongue automatically. “And reading, of course. She was halfway through a reread.”
“Of Little Women?” Robbie scrunched his nose up as he looked at Priest, and then turned back to Julien. “Umm. Maybe not that. Can you imagine Priest reciting Little Women?” When Julien laughed, Robbie’s eyes filled with mischief and he let go of Julien’s hand to tap a finger to his chin. “Actually…”
“Watch it,” Priest said, and tugged on Robbie’s hand until he tumbled down onto Priest’s lap.
“Non. Non,” Julien said, shaking his head. “No reciting of Little Women.”
“Oh, fine. But that could’ve been fun.” Robbie gave an exaggerated pout, and then leaned toward Julien and cradled his face between his hands, his expression now a mask of seriousness. “You said this weekend is one you dread. That remembering her is too painful, too sad. But what if it’s not? What if it could be something beautiful?”
As Julien looked at Robbie’s earnest face, his eyes blurred all over again.
“You loved your sister,” Robbie said. “You should celebrate that. Celebrate her. Remember what made her happy and the sound of her laugh. And let yourself see her when you look in the mirror, because Julien? She’s there. And she’s beautiful.”
As Robbie settled back in Priest’s arms, Julien couldn’t help but think how lucky he was that these two men were his.
Priest: so steady, so patient and controlled, protecting him at all turns. And Robbie: the light at the end of a very long tunnel, offering a perspective neither Julien nor Priest had seen because they didn’t possess the illumination that radiated from Robbie.
“If you ask me, your parents did you a favor this weekend,” Robbie said, recapturing Julien’s attention. “Because now you get to remember her your way. You get to cook for her.”
Julien fought back the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm him and nodded. “She’d like that.”
“Of course she would. She’s a smart girl.” Robbie hopped up to his feet, placed his lips to Julien’s temple, and whispered, “Merci beaucoup.”
Julien turned his face until the two of them were so close that their noses touched. “What for? Dragging you into my mess? I can’t even begin to imagine what you must think of—”
Robbie touched a finger to Julien’s lips, silencing him, just as Priest had done, then placed a gentle kiss there. “For trusting me. With her and with you.”
Julien wanted to tell Robbie that he was welcome, that there was no need to thank him—really, it should be the other way around. But before he could get the words out, Robbie turned to Priest and said, “Your coffee and bagel is ready. And Jules? Sorry, you’re gonna have to skip the green stuff today and swallow some carbs and caffeine.”
Julien couldn’t believe it, but as he sat there, his lips curved and a laugh slipped free, and he wondered if Robbie knew what kind of magic he possessed, because in a matter of minutes, he and Priest had picked up Julien’s broken pieces and put him back together, enough that he knew he would survive another day.
“Now,” Robbie said, “go shower and change. We have some grocery shopping to do.”
THE BACK DOOR being opened, and Robbie’s laugh echoing up the halls over the soft strands of the music Priest had on, alerted him that Julien and Robbie had returned from their trip out.
He’d opted to hang back and finish up some last-minute work he needed to get done. There’d been no word on the Jimmy situation, which he was going to take as no news equaling good news, and he didn’t have time to deal with it anyway, even if there had been. He’d done as Henri had instructed and changed his phone out last week, only giving his number to those who needed it. As far as he was concerned, that issue was now on the back burner, which was still giving it more importance than he felt it deserved.
