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“I guess it is, but I don’t know, Xander. I just wanted to be around someone who…who…” Bailey tried to think of the simplest way to explain his feelings about Henri without getting into things he wasn’t quite ready to talk about yet.
“Makes you feel good?”
Bailey nodded. “Yeah. When I left the precinct, Sean called and asked if I wanted to meet up, but—”
“Oh God, because he’d be such a comfort right now.” Xander’s lips twisted. “He can barely look after himself these days—how was he planning to look after you? Offer you a drink?”
Bailey frowned but couldn’t disagree. While Sean had tried his best to talk Bailey through those initial moments on the scene, telling Bailey that everything would be back to normal soon enough wasn’t what he’d needed.
Unlike their father and Sean, Bailey wasn’t of the don’t talk about it, deal with it in silence mentality. He’d always preferred to get his feelings out, whether it be through a few rounds with a punching bag or talking his way through the problem. So the idea that he’d give his report, answer a few questions, go home, and sleep things off might’ve been Sean’s solution to what had happened last night, but it sure as hell wasn’t Bailey’s.
Neither was drinking his way through a bottle of booze, which apparently Xander had also noticed was Sean’s go-to solution these days.
“He’s just going through a rough spot right now, that’s all,” Bailey said, but judging by the arched brow and doubtful expression on Xander’s face, he wasn’t buying that for a second.
“Seems his ‘rough spots’ have been lasting longer and longer these days. And if that’s his excuse? I can’t remember the last time I saw him in a smooth spot.”
Again, Bailey agreed. But he also thought it interesting that Xander was so aware of what was going on with Sean. Usually their conversations, when concerning either of his brothers, were about how annoying or irritating they were being.
But not this time. Xander seemed genuinely upset. He was angry at Sean’s recent behavior. But considering what a grumpy asshole Sean had been the last couple of times they’d all had dinner, Bailey could hardly blame Xander.
That didn’t, however, stop Bailey from trying to defend Sean. He was, after all, still his brother. “He’s just working a hard case.”
“So what?”
Xander’s response was so unlike him—in that it held zero compassion—that Bailey’s eyes widened a fraction.
“You were in the middle of an armed robbery last night, and I don’t see you cradling an empty bottle of bourbon and reaching for the next.”
“No, you don’t,” Bailey said, and before he knew he was going to, he added, “But I went to Henri knowing he’d likely touch me, fuck me, and make me forget what I’d done. So is that any better?”
Xander opened his mouth, an answer clearly about to fly off his tongue until he seemed to realize exactly what Bailey had said. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you use the phrase ‘fuck me’ in a sentence before. Excuse me if I seem a little stunned right now.”
Bailey shot him the finger. “I’m just pointing out that people deal with stressful situations differently, that’s all.”
Xander sat back on the couch and rubbed a hand over the stubble lining his jaw. “I suppose, and anyway, I doubt that would work with Sean. That would actually mean finding someone who would want to fuck him. And let’s be honest, nobody has the time to hunt down that unicorn. If she does, in fact, exist.”
Despite the seriousness of the conversation, Bailey found himself grinning. He also realized for the first time that the two men he’d been seriously involved with in his life both shared a similar opinion of his eldest brother.
Huh, at least they’ll have something to talk about when they finally meet.
“So, back to where you wound up this morning and…why.” Of course Xander wasn’t about to let that go. “This is getting pretty serious. You and Henri.”
Bailey thought about the easy way he’d been able to open up with Henri today. How right it had felt to fall apart in Henri’s arms and be put back together again. “It’s getting very serious.”
“Wow.” Xander rested his ankle on his knee. “I’m…”
“Speechless,” Bailey said, and chuckled. “That’s a first.”
“I… I guess it is. But yeah, I am.”
Bailey knew the feeling. Every time he thought about Henri, he got a little tripped up. It had all happened so fast, and was so unexpected, that it was hard to even pinpoint when he’d gone from thinking of Henri as a one-night stand to…the one. But that was where he was at, and after Henri’s invitation that they go away together, Bailey had to believe Henri was right there with him, or at least close.
“I can’t explain it,” Bailey heard himself saying, and his cheeks heated as he looked at the man he’d grown up with, the boy who’d been his first crush and was now his best friend. “But this, what I feel with him? It’s different, Xander. It’s…scary as hell.”
