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Maybe it was a sign, Bailey thought, as he looked across the center console to Henri. The two of them had been in this strange kind of vortex ever since their conversation last night. One where they were within touching distance but had retreated deep inside themselves to process everything that had been said.
But Bailey had to admit that he was struggling with what he’d learned. He’d known that Henri was harboring some secrets, but this…
Did you kill Jimmy Donovan, Henri?
Yes, I did.
This he never could’ve expected.
“It’s fine. The light’s on and I only have the one bag,” Bailey finally said, as though everything were normal and he wasn’t returning home early from a romantic getaway because his boyfriend had told him last night that he’d shot one of the most wanted men in America and let him fall into a river.
Bailey had been going back and forth over it ever since Henri’s confession, and couldn’t help but wonder—if Henri had been a cop and been called out to Julien’s kidnapping that night, would someone have said to him, Good job. Seemed pretty straightforward?
Probably, right?
That was what had happened with Bailey at the Quick Mart. Self-defense. Guy had a gun, guy aimed gun, Bailey protected himself.
In Henri’s case, the guy who had had the gun had already used it. On three guards at the prison he’d escaped, his own son, possibly Julien, and Henri had known he would be next if he didn’t shoot. So how was that any different? Really?
“Bailey?”
Bailey was pulled from his thoughts, and as he turned his head, Henri ran a hand through his hair and let out a sigh.
“I know I don’t deserve it, but can I ask you a favor?”
Bailey said nothing as he looked into Henri’s eyes, transported back to that moment out on the dock when Henri had said he loved him. Had that really been mere hours ago? And did he still feel that way? Did Henri still love him?
“Bailey?”
Bailey blinked and shook his head. He’d totally missed what Henri had asked. “Sorry. What did you say?”
“I just asked that tonight or tomorrow, when you call this in, can you maybe only mention my name, you know, leave Joel and his family out of it? He’s done everything in his power to turn his life around and is happily married, and I’m the one who did it. I’m the bad seed here. So yeah, if you could just keep them out of it? I’d be forever grateful.”
Bailey opened his mouth, about to tell Henri he wasn’t going to be calling anything in just now. He wanted time to think, to come to terms with all that he’d learned. But instead of saying any of that, he said, “Why do you do that?”
Henri frowned. “Do what?”
“Take the blame for everything bad that has happened to, or around, you?”
Henri just sat there staring at Bailey as though he didn’t quite understand the question.
“You do it all the time, you know. Degrade yourself like that. You always point out how bad you are, how you don’t deserve to be happy, that you aren’t good enough for someone like me—”
“I’m not,” Henri snapped, finding his voice loud and clear now. “Are you forgetting what I told you last night? I killed someone.”
“I haven’t thought of anything else since,” Bailey shouted, and Henri’s eyes widened. But as quickly as Bailey’s anger erupted, it faded, and he shut his eyes. “What you told me last night was… It was a lot to take in. A lot to come to terms with. I’m still trying.”
“Why bother?” Henri said. “We both know how this is going to end.” Henri swallowed, and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he glared at Bailey, no doubt hoping the scowl would scare him off—too bad the expression just made Bailey love Henri more.
Henri was trying to shake Bailey loose. Let him feel okay for wanting to leave. Henri was acting the asshole to give Bailey an out. The problem was that Bailey didn’t want an out. He just wanted time to think.
“And how is it going to end, Henri?”
“You’re a cop. I committed a crime. I can’t ask you to lie for me.”
“You didn’t, as far as I’m aware.” Bailey unfastened his seatbelt and then reached for the door handle. “Maybe if you had, my conscience would be a lot clearer tonight.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m not sure I can get past everything you told me yesterday. But I understand why you did what you did. I need time, Henri. I need time to think this through.”
“To think us through?”
Bailey inclined his head. “That too. One thing I will promise you? I won’t break your trust, or my friends’. Priest’s parentage will stay with me. Those three have been through enough. So have you.”
As the two of them got sucked back into that silent vortex again, Bailey wondered if Henri could hear his heart thumping. He wished more than anything else that he could lean across the center console, kiss the grim line from Henri’s mouth, and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But Bailey couldn’t do that.
