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CHAPTER ONE
I remained in the hospital four more days after the kidnapping and abuse from my captors. Omar stayed with me the entire time. We had a private room and they’d brought in a larger bed so that he could sleep with me at night.
“My love, I must once again apologize.” Omar said one evening after the nurse had left. “I know you said you’ve forgiven me, but I must, if only for myself—if only for my own amends.”
He stroked my cheek and gently traced a thumb across the dark purple bruise on the left side of my face.
“I see the darkening bruises and your discomfort, and it tears at my heart. My main objective, always, since the first moment I met you, was to cause you great joy, laughter, passion and fulfillment. I seek to always make you happy. What just happened to you, the mere fact you are damaged? This causes me untold grief. I am suffering with you and I would give anything to take your pain as my own.”
I slowly exhaled through my nose and touched Omar’s lips with my index finger, “I love you Omar. You do make me happy. You’ve in fact changed my life so dramatically I will never be the same,” I gave him a sardonic half grin at his tortured expression.
“And no, I only mean that you’ve changed my life in the best of ways Omar. You opened my heart to the idea of love—the idea that this kind of powerful love even existed. I really didn’t have a clue before you swept me off my feet.”
Omar furrowed his brow, “Perhaps it would have been better if I’d left you to your own devices? Perhaps it is better to not know?”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Seriously Omar, would you rather not know? Would you rather not have ever felt what we feel for each other?” He quickly shook his head at my stare.
“So, it works both ways. Yeah, I am hurting right now, but I’m young and the doctors said there isn’t any permanent damage. I’ll heal. We will heal together.” I looked down for a brief moment and quietly asked, “Do you have doubts now? About us? I mean…” I looked back up, and a lone tear trailed from my uncovered good right eye, “I mean, um…” My words were choked off by a sob and my chin began quivering.
Omar put a finger under my shaking chin and assertively shook his head, “Anna! Don’t you even think what you are thinking. NO! I want you more than I ever have! I will not let you go. You are mine, I’ve claimed you as such and there is no turning back. You are mine! Is that clear?”
I weekly nodded, I was exhausted, and my good eye sagged closed. I rested my head back against the pillow and mumbled, “Okay, I just had to make sure. I love you Omar.”
Omar carefully pulled my damaged body closer to his and cradled me in his arms. He kissed my neck and then my cheek and I turned to meet his lips. It was a short kiss, but full of emotion.
“You will sleep now my goddess. I will not leave you. You are safe in my arms. Sleep my beautiful queen.”
In the middle of the night, I woke up screaming and flailing at invisible assailants. Omar immediately pulled me to his chest, but I was not fully awake and didn’t realize he represented safety. All I felt was restrained, and as I madly kicked and fought my captor, I ripped the IV from my arm and then my screams began in earnest at the sudden jolt of pain.
“Anna, it is me, Anna, you are safe!” Omar said as he released me and slid out of bed. I was sobbing hysterically and beginning to hyperventilate. He flipped on the light and I covered my face with a shaking hand. He reiterated, “Anna, wake up, look! You are safe!”
Through sniffs and sobs, I slowly reoriented myself in the moment. Then I saw the rapidly pooling blood on the top of my hand and my trembles began anew. The nurse appeared and soothed me as Omar watched on, silent from the corner.
The nurse suggested he stay in the chair, but I protested. “No! Omar, stay,” I said in a thready voice. When the IV was reinserted in my other hand, and the pain meds began to filter into my system, I finally calmed down. Once the nurse left, Omar lingered in the chair, unwilling to join me.
“Please, I need you.” I plead.
He shook his head, “I cannot stand to be the cause of your fear, even in a small amount and even if it is only your perceived fear.” His expression was tortured, “I cannot bear to cause you any fear Anna. Not a moment.”
“I’m sorry, but I need you, even if it’s a dream and I think you are someone else. When I wake up, I need you here with me. I’m sorry, I can’t control my dreams—but Omar, I, um—I don’t know how else to tell you. Your strength is all I have right now.”
I rubbed at the top of my hand and then sagged back against the pillows. I sighed, “The pain meds are working; I feel better. Please come back to bed?”
He reluctantly did as I requested, and laid on his side with his hand on my stomach under the covers. “I will not hold you tighter when you have a nightmare. I believe that made it worse?”
“Yeah, sorry, moment of panic.”
“Can you tell me what it was about? Will it help to talk about it?” He asked.
I frowned and covered my face with my hand, “I don’t know if I can.”
“I believe a therapist would tell you that unless you talk about it, it will remain.” Omar said.
“Let me be your counselor? Please Anna, give me a place in all this that offers me some sort of amends. I am begging you.”
I rotated my head on the pillow and blinked, “Are you okay? You never ask, let alone beg. I just don’t know if I can talk about it.” He leaned over and gently pressed his lips to mine and I relaxed another degree. “I will try. I am afraid though…”
