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I winced at her sincerity. I didn’t want to hear about love being more important than my fierce need for independence. I sighed and shook my head.
“The timing isn’t right for us. That’s all. Maybe someday.”
My tone was airy and light, and I faked my way through wanting to confess how much I missed Amir.
She let it go, but I could tell she was confused at my choices.
“Do you have a follow up interview this week?” she asked, changing the subject.
“I do, but I think I am going to blow off the New York offer and look for something here in Boston.”
“Oh darling, no! New York was your dream. Is there a chance you could get it?”
I shrugged, “I think, maybe. But once they find out I’m preggers, I believe they’ll pick someone else.”
Chapter Six
A month passed, and I’d become comfortable living with Melinda. We shared meals and watched TV together. The wrist bands helped diminish my constant state of nausea, and I’ve finally put on some weight, although I am still not showing. I was going to the doctor to find out the sex of the baby, and Melinda was going with me.
I’d heard from Amir twice. Both emails, which were incredibly formal and so non-personal I wondered if he even sent them. More than likely, he had a secretary do it for him. He did set me up handsomely with a heavy bank account. I’ve back burnered the job search until after I give birth. Or maybe till after the baby is a bit older. I couldn’t seem to decide if going to work now would be a good thing and motivate me to return soon after the birth—or if I should wait and enjoy my baby while it is it’s most fragile.
With what Amir has provided, I could certainly afford to stay home and rest, which is what I wanted to do all the time. I was so tired, most of the time I couldn’t envision getting up early and then working a sixteen hour day.
I saw the contradiction clearly, however, and I often wondered why I sent Amir away if my plan was to lay around for nine months in Boston. I could have done that with him. Yes, I was a miasma of incongruity. I was fully aware of the paradox of Julie. At least I was still independent and living life on my terms. I still couldn’t envision belonging to a man as his subordinate the way I know Amir expects his female to be.
“I’m debating calling Amir to tell him the news,” I announced at dinner.
“You should! He will be delighted,” Melinda confirmed.
“Maybe I’ll talk to Anna first. I haven’t talked to her much. She seems to always be occupied or sleeping.”
Melinda sipped at her tea and nodded. “The time difference is so frustrating.” She looked up at me and her eyes twinkled. “Omar offered to send the jet. Come with me, and we can visit for a week. You can still fly.”
I wrinkled up my mouth in response.
“Please, Jules. It would make Anna so happy to see you!”
Initially, I’d felt like jumping up and offering to leave immediately. I ached for Amir, but was not going to be the first to crumble and admit I’d been in the wrong. Again, it was a pride thing, and I was coming to grips with my own arrogant self. Perhaps what I detested so much in Amir was exactly what I refused to see in myself.
Lately, I’d found myself with way too much time for reflection and self-introspection and some of these little tid-bits were part of my own evolution. The glaring inescapable fact that I was soon to be a mother meant I needed to grow up in a hurry and face the inevitable. If I couldn’t govern myself, how in the world could I raise a child?
“Um…”
Melinda used her mother voice, “Really, Jules, what else do you have going on? Would a trip to Dubai interrupt another depressed napping session?”
I snorted sarcastically. Leave it to Melinda to not mince words and tell it like it was. S
he was right, too. I was still dwelling in some odd land of depressed and unwilling to accept that the course of my life had changed. Get with the routine, Jules. What happened to no regrets? I feared I was living in the land of multitude at the moment.
“Yeah—touché mother. Let’s do this.”
“Excellent! I’ll call Anna right now and set it up,” Melinda cheerily announced.
“I need another nap,” I said wearily and headed upstairs.
Just as I laid down and closed my eyes, I heard Melinda rushing up the stairs.
“Jules—Jules!”
