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never says it, but she heaves and sighs when the newest tabloid comes out, while wishing that I’d do more than waste my time with the flavor of the month.”
Amanda’s face took on a tight, pinched expression, and he wondered if he’d said the completely wrong thing. “Yes, it must be hard to think of giving up the life of a playboy billionaire to start a family.”
“It’s scarier to think of the future of thousands on my shoulders, actually. Some days, I can admit it. I’ve had a lot of fun, and yet something does feel like it’s missing. I’ve never really thought of myself as a father figure, though. My brothers seemed to take to the whole thing like ducks to water, but I just don’t know if I’m the same way.”
“May I ask why?” she pressed, even as he slipped under the velvet rope in the far corner and led her to the exhibit that wasn’t ready for the public.
It was still being secured, the final pieces not yet fully acquired. It was ready enough for a sneak peek, but it wasn’t ready for public scrutiny. He was glad for that, because he wanted to continue having private time with Amanda, to be near her and her gorgeous body without scrutiny. Not that he cared. His reputation did precede him, and he never argued or pretended that it wasn’t true. Still, he knew that would help keep Amanda at ease, help her stay honest.
“I think,” he said, as he led her deeper into the exhibit hall, “that I was nurturing once. I had a sister I loved and I cared for.”
“That twin bond, right?”
“Yes, and then she got sick and I lost her. I don’t know if I have that left in me anymore. If you have a family, then you can lose one as well, and that scares me more than anything.”
She pulled away from him then. At first, he assumed he’d said something that had upset her or driven her off. But he hadn’t. She hugged him tightly instead.
“I’m sorry about your sister. That’s horrible for you to live through, but I don’t think it means you should give up on having a family of your own someday. I can’t imagine how much it hurt, but I bet you’d be good with children, if you’re already a dedicated uncle.”
It did sound selfish to still act like a child when he had his country’s future to think of. But, at the same time, he’d lost someone so dear to him. What if he had a child and it grew sick? What if he held a son of all things in his hands, only to have that snatched back from him by a twist of fate? It wasn’t as if this area was always the safest, even as a tourist capital for the UAE.
After his sister…
Loss loomed so high, so why not party and enjoy things with few strings attached, such as wining and dining a certain reporter?
“Still, it must be a lonely way to live, to never think that you can ever have anything that good again.”
“I have fun, and one day I’m sure Mother and Father will arrange a suitable political union.”
“That’s a romantic way to describe marriage.”
“It’s the way things are here,” he said. “Sometimes it’s all about politics and keeping the correct alliances together. When it’s about practicality, you can’t always experience passion.”
“So that’s why you get it with a starlet or a model or an heiress where you can?”
He shook his head and walked ahead of her. “I’m not that transparent, am I?”
“Extremely,” she replied, smirking back at him. “I’m not really an art person, but this work is so amazing. I guess the best I can say is that I had some cheesy Klimt and Monet reproduction posters in my college dorm, but there’s something in these that really appeal to me. Odd, because of all things I never really felt like an abstract fan.”
“You like a face to actually look like a face?”
“Something like that,” she said, pointing to a painting before her that looked like a swirling mass of reds, browns, and blacks. “It just seems to touch my soul.”
“This is a special section of the exhibit. I’ve traveled to DC and Maryland before. There’s a museum in Baltimore that shows art only from artists who suffer from mental illness or depression.”
“The AVAM,” she said. “Now I know why this seems so familiar. They had an exhibit for their anniversary year and we don’t usually cover Baltimore, but it was interesting enough that they sent me, back when I hadn’t yet hit Metro. It’s not the same but it has the same…”
“Sense of chaos—that same need to just break out of everything,” he finished.
He circled back around her and reached out, stroking her hair back from her face, enjoying the silky texture of her curls and the sweet smell of her perfume—of those gardenias hanging lightly on the air.
“Sometimes, I think chaos is all we have,” he said, before kissing her.
***
Part of her wanted to scream that this was crazy, but on the other hand, part of her had wanted this since their first meeting in the office. After making out on the balcony, her body had burned for his. It helped that his security was standing outside the door of the exhibit hall like consiglieres for their don. No one was going to just wander into the recesses of the hall to oversee this.
Maybe he was right about some things. Commitments got messy; they led to pain and loss. And maybe Margery was right too, and she had been so focused on her work for too long. Maybe for just a night she could truly let herself go. It was just them in this room and nothing else.
