“I’ve thought about killing him.” Quite frequently, in many different ways. “Yes, he would come back, but at least I’d have him out of the way for a time.”
“Murder of a fellow archangel aside, why haven’t you?”
“He seems to make her happy, and I don’t want to take that away from her.” He also hasn’t touched her again. And his opportunity to do so is significantly limited, now that he’s on such a tight leash with the Council.
“You can make her happy, too.”
“I’m well aware.” If I didn’t know any better, I might think Semyaza would be fine with me killing an archangel for simply being a major inconvenience. I’m about to pour another drink, but a ghost slides my glass away, bringing an annoyed sigh out of me. “Let me have my drink, you decrepit fiend.”
Semyaza clicks his tongue, but the next time I attempt to grab my glass from the table’s edge, it doesn’t slide out of my grasp again.
“You’ve become so brooding and spiteful, Abaddon. You weren’t always this way.”
And he’s become so very volatile, but I won’t be the one to tell him. Not now, at least.
“Yes, that is what happens when you raze cities to the ground and proceed to spend a couple thousand years underground while yourbrother is being tortured,” I say flatly, filling my glass to the brim again. I’ve lost count of how many this makes, but I wouldn’t want to stop when the alcohol is finally working. “I don’t see how you can be the slightest bit optimistic after everything.”
“Honestly?” Semyaza leans back in his chair, looking thoughtful. “The memory of Layla keeps me alive. I think of how peaceful her soul must be in Heaven. I imagine she’s waiting there for me, hoping I can one day earn God’s forgiveness back and join her in eternal peace… And I want you to experience that kind of eternal love, too. Whether or not you believe me, you deserve companionship, kindness, and every other good thing your body grounds you here with.”
“You want my thoughts? Fine. I’ll give them to you.” Admittedly, my slight inebriation spurs me on. “Malak is undeserving of Kae. He had no problem defiling her, yet he won’t even sacrifice his superficial Elohim position for her. All it took was a meager promotion to prove just how much he doesn’t care to be in her life. It’s so…disappointingto watch. She is too much of a pure, beautiful creature to be treated like somebody’s plaything.”
“And you want her for yourself.”
“Yes,” I mutter, surprising myself with my forthcoming honesty. “If I had her affections like he does, I’d put her on top of the world.”
“But you do have her affections.”
“I do not. Not yet.”
“I saw the way she looked at you?—”
“Then you also saw the way she looks at Malak,” I snap, prompting Semyaza to pointedly slide the liquor bottle away from me. With a sigh, I take a brief moment to recollect myself. “I only mean that she is not committed to it yet. It is marriage or nothing; I will not taste her just to be deprived of her. And I keep… ‘fucking it up,’ as you might say.”
“I’m proud of your swearing. It’s greatly improved.” Semyaza laughs under the glare I give him. “Sorry, couldn’t help myself. How badly did you fuck up?”
Briefly, I consider the consequences of how much Semyaza could destroy me with information like this. However, I thoroughly believehe’d be the last person to do such, and the cost of keeping it to myself has been eating away at me. “I kissed her, Semyaza. I kissed her, and I cannot bring myself to regret it.”
My brother sucks in some air, unable to hide his surprise. “You should have led with that. It would have saved me some breath.”
“I know. I know!” I jump out of my seat, knocking over my glass with a wing in the process. “I think about it every day. Multiple times a day. She consumes my every thought. It is becoming so unbearable that I can hardly wait for her to commit to me. Even worse, I know that is whatshewants, with her painfully obvious human emotions. But she does not understand the depths at which I need her for the rest of eternity.”
“Abaddon,” he says my name with every bit of judgment that I deserve. “When did this kiss happen? I’ve been here for a month. Don’t tell me it was before I arrived, and you’re just now choosing to tell me?”
My silence is my answer.
“I see.” Semyaza’s lips form a tight line. “So you kissed her, then somehow acted poorly enough to royally upset her to the point she nearly got herself killed. And now you’re, what, pretending it never happened?”
I don’t know how he managed to fill in the gaps so thoroughly, but I refuse to validate his claim. “It has not changed anything. I’m still entirely at her mercy.”
“Then don’t be?—”
“Ah, grand idea, Semyaza! Why didn’t I think of that? I’ll just kill the Messenger, kill him again every time he resurrects, and maybe I’ll take out the whole Council, too, if they try to do something about the recurring murders. Then, I can hold Kae hostage forever, unbothered.”
Maybe that’s closer to my previous plans than I let on, but it sounds even more idiotic to say out loud.
Yes, I despise the Messenger, but I can’t just kill him. Primarily because Kae would never forgive me, but also, he’d always keep coming back to haunt me every time I turn him to ash, and that would get quite annoying. Imprisoning him would be the next best option, but it would likely have the same effect on Kae.
Semyaza snickers. “No, you sarcastic fool. I mean that you need to make her see you for who you are. That’s all I’ve been trying to say. Be honest with her. Cut the ‘tough shit’ act.”
