“So,” I start, “I don’t think I got very far yesterday. I couldn’t feel anything like the Aether. I know Semyaza is sure I’ll be able to, but I’m not. Maybe theonlything I’ll be able to do is open the Abyss; it couldreally take that much power. I don’t see any of you guys doing it, so it has to be difficult, like ‘all I have to give’ difficult, and… Why do you keep giving me that look?”
“What look?”
“That blank, unfocused expression. Like there’s not a thought in your head!” I talk with my hands, accentuating everything I say in high emotion. “Were you even listening to me?”
“You have doubts, I do not. I felt it prudent to let you express them, still.”
I huff, pinching the bridge of my nose, as if that will relieve some of my tension. “You drive me insane, you know? If you could just let out a little bit more of your emotions, our relationship would be a lot easier. We might actually even be friends.”
“Friends?” His lips downturn, his face tightening into a slight scowl, as he leans forward. “We willneverbe friends, Kae.”
I still and look at him in shock for a moment before averting my eyes. That hurts more than I care to admit. “Oh... Okay. Sorry, I thought… I don’t know what I thought, actually, but…”
He stands up, his posture straight and rigid, his arms pressed to his sides. “I cannot merelybe friends with you. That is not… the relationship I wish to have with you.”
Oh.
“Then what relationshipdoyou want to have?” I don’t know where I find the nerve, but it comes on like an onslaught. Every built-up emotion, all the frustration from before, feels amplified. “Are we ever going to talk about it? What happened before my coma?”
“We don’t have to talk?—”
“No! No, Abaddon,we do. Because it’s not even about the kiss.” I point an angry finger at him. “It’s everything you said with it. It’s the fact thatyou’renot ready for an intimate relationship with me, and you’re trying to blamemefor it.”
His face becomes blank again, shutting down. “Your training is more important.”
“For fuck’s sake, Abaddon!” I pull on my hair, letting out a growl ofintense frustration. “Is it Dusk? You’re still too jealous of him to open yourself up to me? There is nothing between us. We kissedonceafter I arrived here, and that was the last of it! It’s over!”
“You… what?” The silver ore in his eyes melts into a burning brightness.“WHEN.”
He takes a loaded step forward, and the hairs on the back of my neck raise. Instinctively, I step back. “A long time ago, Abaddon. Before I ever even met the Council.”
I can immediately tell that’s not a good enough answer for him to accept.
He bristles in rage like never before, as if he’s become an entirely different person, unrecognizable to me. I keep backing up, but he doesn’t stop pushing forward. Not until my back is pressed against the wall of the cave.
“Is that so?” His wings flare out before I can step away, entrapping me. With an awful scraping noise, the sharp talons on the tips of his wings dig into the walls on either side of me, locking in place. “Are you sure it wasn’tafteryou and I kissed?”
“No! It wasn’t. Of course not!”
“I don’t believe you.Prove it.”
My muscles are coiled tight, just before the point of trembling. For the first time since the day I met him, I’m genuinely afraid he’s going to hurt me. “I… I can’t.”
Wrong answer again.
Abaddon snatches my neck in his hand, tilting my chin up so that I can’t look away from him. He’s so close, breathing down on me, I can see my reflection in his eyes. My face is full of panic and fear, on the verge of tears.
“Did he make you feel whole, Kae?” he growls, his voice low and full of hot coal. “Did it feel good to kiss him when you were thinking of me? You knew very well that I already wanted to kill him for touching you, and yet, you did it anyway. Tell me why that is.”
“You… you can’t j-just tell me… what to do,” I croak out, my voice weak. His grip on my neck is getting tighter and tighter, restricting my airsupply until my head feels light. “I don’t… belong to you.”
“Oh, but you do, love.” He leans in, bringing his face to my neck, and inhales against my skin. “You belong to me now. You wanted a commitment, remember? I’ll give you your wish. But nobody else will ever touch you again. Do you understand?”
I’m hanging on by a thread, so close to passing out…
“Do. You. Understand?”
Desperate for air, I have no choice but to nod. And, thankfully, it works. I gasp as the pressure is relieved, gulping down breath with greed—but Abaddon doesn’t move his wings. He keeps me trapped, smiling, as his hands slide down to my hips.
